Untitled Number whatever

*Unedited version 1*

It's been six months since I've talked to her. She must be okay. Things didn't end well between us. She was curious one night and found out I was with someone else. Few words exchanged and I never heard from her again.

Thing is I still think about her. All the time.

Wife is softly snoring next to me and I'm far away in my thoughts, remembering every detail. I could never love her like I love my wife but my wife doesn't satisfy me the way she did. The way she curled her legs around me and held me tight as her whole body shivered and held me captive. The way she sounded. 

I rolled over and looked at my wife. I slid my hand near hers and gently folded my fingers over hers. Just looked at her for a long time.

The first couple months everything was exciting as we married then moved to the new state, for my job. We had sex everywhere in the apartment, claiming every surface as ours. We were happy. 

Three months in, it quickly dawned on me that we were running away from our problems from where we came from. There was a reason why it didn't work out the first time but we had to stick it out for us. We were a team. 

It could only be ignored for so long. Neither one of us mentioned it and went about our days. It wasn't pretend when she touched me and there was no distance in her warm voice. Our sex life went on as normal. 

We were going back to our hometown in a week to get my son who'll be with us. I brimmed with nervousness and eagerness. We'll be a family now. Things will be different.

I got out of bed at this time and went to my computer, where I sat my phone down. Normally, I set it on the area next to the bed. but played a game online.

I archived her messages and everything about her in one place, on my phone. Before completely deleting everything about her from my phone so there were no traces of her.

A Facebook notification presented itself so looked it up. Something boring. Before I realised what I did, I looked her up. She looked happy. I immediately closed the window and went back to bed, setting my phone down next to me and slowly drifting off to sleep.

I want to see her one last time.

The next night, the same thing happened. I lied awake before picking up my phone. It went one step further. I typed a message but erased it and closed the window. 

It went on every night the same, until I just typed a hello and pressed send. 

She always quickly responded to me but I crawled into bed with nothing.

A day passed before she said back," What the fuck do you want?"

I hesitantly answered back,"Can I meet you for coffee?"

She answered,"You don't drink coffee." 

"I do."

I can almost see her roll her eyes.

"Are you back in town?"

"Not for a couple days."

"Fine. Coffee. Whatever. Will the wife be with you?"

"No, she is seeing some friends for an hour or two." 

"Sketchy but whatever. Fine. If you are a dick again, I'm leaving your ass there."

After kissing my wife goodbye and telling her I will meet up with a friend, I drove to the meeting place.

Walking in, she was on her phone and didn't see me. A smile was lighting up her face and she became the most stunning I've ever known her to be.

When we made eye contact, her smile immediately disappeared. 

I awkwardly sat down in front of her as she didn't bother getting up to hug me hello. 

I wanted to touch her again. Her body clearly said I'm denied access.

She let her guard down after forty minutes of talking. We never held anything back from each other and time didn't change that. 

One of her hands was on the table and I looked down and just casually touched it. 

I reached for her hand and wanted to intertwine my fingers with her, like when we were in bed together.

She was forming a word when she went silent.

I looked at her, looking at me. 

Neither one of us said anything.

She looked at my hand near hers and slowly grabbed it. The webs of our fingers made contact. Her fingertips firmly against the back of my hand. 

For a good while, we sat there and said nothing. My thumb brushed against the side of hers. 

She looked at her phone then just as quickly let go.  

"I'm expecting a call."

Her phone never rang. 

Our coffees were done and I can hear the restless in her voice, which was very familiar. 

"I have to go now."

Hesitantly, I mumbled, "Okay."

She swiftly got up, hand motioned goodbye then walked out the door.

My wife and I were lying in bed and she was on her laptop. 

She looked at me and smiled. 

"Babe, I'm going to sleep now."

She leaned in and gave me a kiss.

She set her laptop on the ground and stretched.

I leaned in and put my arms around her, kissing her again.

It blurred and we were undressed and sleeping when I woke up in the darkness. 

Her hand lay open and I put my fingers into hers. It didn't feel the same. 

Nothing felt the same after that point.

*********


In the beginning, I was really convinced I loved him. He is my best friend. I love the guy so naturally, maybe, I could convince myself it was more than that.

We were back from our trip and in bed and he was sleeping. I saw his phone light up. He had left it between our pillows after playing some stupid game. It was a long message, mostly blurry, but made out a familiar name on the screen. A huge disappointment went through me but then relief. I didn't have to pretend we were anything more than what we actually were anymore. 

I looked at him and put in his pattern. 

A long message about how messed up he was to everyone and how he needs to fuck off. I didn't know they spent some time together. Suppose I should be glad he didn't try to kiss her but knowing what I know about her, things are never smooth between them. 

He always complained about her. She doesn't love me. She cheated. I heard it all. I pitied her. Never met her but she seemed nice and smart but a little on the crazy side. The letter she wrote his mom was something. I must have read it three times. This woman had the balls to start shit right before him and I were getting married. She was pissed off and wanted to ruin it for everyone. 

I scrolled through the messages. He said he deleted her messages but they were all still there. The words, the pictures. 

I was in the room when he deleted her number from his phone so don't know why he wanted to see her again. 

I locked the phone then set it back down. They were talking again, even though all her messages were angry and swear word full. 

It didn't make things any better.  It was because of her we got together. I thought because I thought I finally loved him back after all these years of him being a creepy perv. He had changed in my eyes after his saying she broke up with him and told me it was completely over. I was feeling vulnerable after being dumped so the right words came from him. He'll take care of me if I take care of him. 

We've been married six months and he has not changed. I believed my love could change him. 

I understand now. It's not worth it anymore. I want out.

**********

 It's been a year since the divorce. The marriage only lasted eight months. We're fine as friends and still close.