There was an ambient buzzing coming from the other side of the wall. It had been happening for about a month now, and would greet Linus every time he walked back into the office. He ignored it as much as possible and oftentimes would tune it out.
While sitting there one day, he had his back to it, working on his computer, when the noise momentarily stopped, then returned. He paused before saving the file, then went outside. Before he investigated, he stood there and lit a cigarette.
On the other side of the wall, a little concrete pathway and small bushes were present. Nothing stood out. The hum wasn’t present as he looked around. There were other buildings nearby while he stood there.
He was never inside the building across the way and had assumed there were more offices. He dropped the cigarette and put it out with his heel.
He was passing the building after work and his curiosity got the better of him. He assumed there were more offices inside the building, so he had a few minutes and walked over, then quickly tucked his head in the door and scanned inside.
He walked over to one room near the entrance where he could see a bunch of people, standing around, but he couldn’t understand anything they were saying because everybody was talking over one another. While he stood there, one of the guys looked at him and came over.
“Welcome. Are you here for the meeting?”
“Meeting?”
Linus looked at him, then around the room. There were about twenty men in various levels of casualness. He stopped when he saw one woman amid this group. She gave him a ‘What?’ look before he turned away.
He was about to ask the guy a question, when the man announced to the room, “Hello, everyone. Glad we could all make it to the weekly AA meeting...” he paused, then looked around. “Where’s Jim?”
Someone in the room said, “Jim had to pick up his daughter from school or something. He couldn’t make it.”
The guy shook his head. “That’s not good. His sponsor is not going to like that...“, he said, then momentarily inhaled, before continuing,”Okay, Everyone. I’d like to announce the arrival of--” he interrupted himself and turned to Linus then asked his name.
“Linus Winter.”
“Linus? As in the Peanuts character?”
He nodded.
The guy shrugged, then said, “Our newest member, Linus.”
“Oh. But...I’m sorry. I thought this was for something else. I’m not a recovering anything.”
The guy motioned that was okay, then Linus left and walked as quickly to the car as possible.
A couple days later, he was having lunch and walking around, when his lighter ran out of fluid and he had to make a stop at the local deli market. Inside the store, he was taking a Coke out of the refrigerated area when he looked around and saw both the cashier and the person standing behind the deli looking incredibly bored, and some other person reaching for a bag of chips, before slowly pulling out the drink, then went up to the cashier and paid for both items.
Linus arrived home and found himself look around the apartment. They hadn’t moved in together, but the few things she left behind were mostly gone. He was the only one there and quietly made himself dinner, before lying on the couch and passing out while watching TV.
A week passed and he sat in the office and was working on a project when he looked out the window. He wasn’t expecting to see his ex about to walk by outside and that she was occupied on her cell. She hadn’t been in his office, but he knows she’s in the area a lot. He quickly saved what he was working on, then went outside.
She was still walking down the sidewalk, having a conversation, when he spotted her, even though there weren’t that many people around. She was wearing an ill-fitting knee length red dress and flats. He wanted to talk to her and followed her part of the way.
She stopped and closed her cell, before she put it away in her purse, before walking on.
Before he realized he did, he called out, “April!”
She stopped in her tracks and then slowly turned around.
He caught up to her and they awkwardly stood there for about a minute.
“How are you?”
“Okay. How are you?”
He said, “All right.”
They were both looking at each other, when he added, “Can I talk with you alone?”
She looked around, then said, “Okay. But, where?”
He started walking and then she looked at him slightly askew, before she followed him. They ended up going behind the fence where bushes and trees hid them from people walking by.
He was looking at her and touched her mouth, before he moved in and kissed her. He brought her closer to him and she felt distant to him. He slowly let go, then dropped down on his knees and gently pulled her underwear down.
After she came, he stood up and was about to unzip his pants, when she pulled her underwear back up and shook her head.
She calmly said, “We can’t keep doing this. I don’t love you anymore. I’m sorta seeing someone.”
Linus looked at her and quietly nodded.
“I’ll walk you back to work.”
They silently walked back, and stopped in front of his work, when he was about to kiss her on the lips. She turned her head and offered her cheek.
He stood outside and watched her walk off, while he lit a cigarette. While he was standing there, he looked at the building across the way and saw someone in the window, looking at him. The guy shrugged then moved away from the window. Linus scratched his head then went inside.
Linus went home that night and cried himself to sleep.
Progressively through-out the week, he slept less and less, until he was barely able to keep them closed for four straight hours.
One night, he couldn’t sleep and remembered he had pictures of her on his computer. It felt nice, but it wasn’t the same as touching her. He printed one with her breasts exposed and took it to bed. At first, it was beside him, and he was gingerly touching it, but then he picked it up and started rubbing it against his body. Before he knew it, he was overcome with desire and found himself lying on the picture, slightly rubbing up against it, imagining, or at least trying to, her naked body under his. He had my face buried in the pillow and continued for a little while before he fell asleep without orgasming.
In the morning, he was disgusted with himself and put the wrinkled picture under the other pillow.
Linus was sitting in the office, when his co-worker walked in to hand something to him and saw him staring at his cell phone, with an odd look over his face.
She looked concerned as it was obvious he had something on his mind.
“I know it’s not my business, but you look really worried about something. Is everything okay?”
Linus found himself say, “No,” because he trusted her enough to know she wouldn’t blab to the others and told her what was going on.
She shook her head, slightly smirking, when she pulled her cell phone from her pocket and handed it to him.
The voicemail came on and he chickened out.
He gave it back and told her to make up an excuse, which she did then hung up.
He wanted to talk to her, but things were so complicated that he couldn’t just call her. What would she say? He was afraid and didn’t know what to do.
Before his co-worker walked out, she wished him luck.
He went home that night, but she still was ever present in his thoughts. Ever since they met, he’s really liked her. She has no idea to what degree. They had periods where they didn’t talk because he was too busy with work and/or school, but she was always on his mind. It bothered him that he couldn’t explain nor deny why he felt this way. He knew she slept with other men and just couldn’t deal with that. It was a nail in the coffin when he found out some guy that comes around work had paid her to blow him.
A little time passed and Linus was almost able to put her out of his mind, but then he was walking to the office one day and they crossed paths again. Linus knew she saw him, but she was purposely avoiding looking at him.
And, when they ran into each other again, she saw him and purposely moved around him. He wishes he had the courage to grab her arm and stop her, then tell her how he felt. She looked better than the last time he saw her, wearing dark pants and a loose-fitting top. He was hoping she would say something, but she looked like she wanted nothing to do with him. He wouldn’t be surprised if she had a new boyfriend now.
He never stopped thinking about her. What he would give to see her again.
A few nights later, he drove by where she lived and saw her by the window, looking at something he couldn’t see. Linus wanted to park the car and watch her, but kept driving, afraid she would look outside and see his car.
Instead, he parked it around the corner and sat in the car, having a cigarette and thinking about what he could be doing to her, before he had to stop himself from bursting into tears at the thought he would never have her again.
Months passed and he actually tried dating someone else, but that didn’t work as they were in bed and he accidentally called out April’s name. The girl wasn’t happy about it and kneed him in the balls before leaving.
Some more time passed and he was sitting there, when he looked at his laptop. His instant messenger was open and he sent her an IM, saying, “Hello.”
The reply appeared a few minutes later and it said, “hi”.
He sat there for a while, just staring at the screen, thinking someone was playing a joke.
A few seconds later appeared, “Are you there?”
He didn’t know what to say at first, but still responded back, “yes. i’m here”.
They ended up talking for a long time.
He found out she had been with someone for a short while, but it didn’t work out, and that, she had actually been thinking about him since they saw each other that last time.
He knew they wanted to see each other, although he knew she wasn’t going to admit it.
It took a while but he finally asked if she wanted to come over, but she said she didn’t want to go back to his place just yet.
A few days later, they sat in facing chairs, in some coffee shop.
April’s finger kept tapping the lid of the plastic lid, while he was meandering in his words.
“I’m glad you showed up. I didn’t think you would.”
She nodded, then looked out the window and noticed the sunlight glinting off the sidewalk mailbox.
A strand of hair fell across her forehead.
A hand caught her by surprise and she turned back to him.
He was incredibly close.
They looked at each other, different emotions playing off their faces.
She put her hand over his, then said,” I don’t know....”
He looked mildly confused.
“Do you regret meeting me here?”
She let go of his hand and shook her head.
“No, it’s just...,” she trailed off, then looked outside again.
People were walking by, and they continued to sit there with the silence comforting them.
When she turned back, he was drinking his coffee, still watching her.
She picked her drink up and started sipping, the sweetness slowly making its way down her throat.
He put his drink down and wiped his mouth with a finger. He looked at his watch, then said, “I have to go back to work.”
Before Linus walked out the door, he asked if he could call her.
She looked at him, paused, then said,”Yes.”
A few days passed when he did.
“What are you doing?”
“About to head home. I’m sitting in the car, running around and doing errands. Why?”
“I want to see you.”
April awkwardly paused, then said, “Okay. Where do you want to meet up?”
He mumbled something.
She asked him what he said.
He asked if she wanted to meet him at his place.
She slowly warmed to the idea and said, “Yes.”
They were alone at his place again, sitting near each other.
The look on his face was anticipation and he kept looking at her mouth.
She was in the middle of telling him some story and he politely smiled and nodded, but she could tell his focus wasn’t on that.
He wasn’t going to make a move, although he did touch her gently at one point, but that was the extent of it.
April awkwardly paused when she realized he wanted her to do something, but felt she should make him wait and, for the next half hour, she did.
She could almost hear his thoughts agonize over wanting to rip off her clothes and touch every inch of exposed body, until she finally grabbed him and started kissing him.
They were lying in bed and he was looking at her.
He couldn’t tell what she was thinking, when she looked at him and got out of bed.
He didn’t say anything as she silently dressed and walked out the door.
He had not moved off the bed, and an hour had barely passed when he finally got over the shock of her leaving, when he called her.
“Are you okay? You left in a hurry,” he said.
“I’m all right. It’s nothing.”
He didn’t sound certain when he mumbled out, “Okay,” then paused for a long time before choking out, “But, you’re not exactly the easiest person to talk to. You never say what’s on your mind.”
She listened to everything he had been holding inside then hesitantly agreed to see him again.
April arrived at his doorstep and he opened the door.
She walked in and he closed the door behind her.
They were looking at each other, when she sat down and watching him, as he started taking off his clothes, before he came over and went down on his knees in front of her.
They were lying in bed and looking at each other.
“I can’t keep doing this,” she said, then was about to slowly get out of bed.
He grabbed her arm, then said, “Don’t go.”
She turned to him and he put his arms around, pulling her back.
They started kissing and then she pulled him on top.
They were sitting on the couch, eating dinner, when he turned and kissed her cheek. Everything he’s ever wanted was right next to him, but he wasn’t sure if he was what she wanted.
For now, Linus was happy that she was there with him.
