INT. A'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
A sits on a couch, reading a book.
Phone next to her starts ringing.
A looks at phone, sets book down and picks up.
A: Hello?
B: (offscreen) Hello, is Georgia there?
A: I'm sorry. You got the wrong number.
B: Okay....(pause) But, since, I have you on the phone, how are you?
A looks at the phone, before putting it back to her ear.
A: I'm good. And you?
B: I'm doing super. (pause) I was going to ask Olivia, but, since I got you on the line, are you doing anything tomorrow night?
A starts laughing.
A: Actually, I have a date tomorrow night.
B: Oh. Well, I'm sorry to bother you, then. It was nice to talking to you.
A: All right. Bye, then.
B: Bye (quickly) I didn't catch your name.
A: Maria
B: Hi, Maria. My name is George.
A: All right, then, George. Bye.
B: Bye.
A hangs up.
INT. COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT
A and C sit at a table, laughing. The counter is across from them. C has blonde hair and
C: I didn't tell you about that, did I?
A shakes her head.
B walks in the door, then walks up to the counter. He's a pasty white redheaded guy, and he looks way younger than his age of thirty-five.
CASHIER moves over near register and picks up a cup. CASHIER looks like a typical emo girl.
B: Can I have a venti caffe latte?
CASHIER: Name, please.
B: George.
CASHIER quickly scribbles it down on the cup, then moves offscreen.
B stands there, before turning around, looking in whatever direction.
A and C still sit there, continue talking, while B observes them for a few seconds.
CASHIER returns with coffee and taps B on the shoulder.
B turns back to CASHIER and pays for it, before taking the coffee out of CASHIER's hand. B blows on it a couple times, before taking a sip.
The table behind C is empty.
B walks over and sits, facing the back of C's head.
A sees B behind C.
B and C are looking at her, but she doesn't react.
C: Are you ready to get some dinner?
A nods.
A: All right.
C finishes up his coffee.
A and C slowly get up and then walk over to the exit, before leaving.
INT. ITALIAN RESTAURANT - NIGHT
A and C sit across from each other, eating. A huge window is behind them.
C: Are you enjoying your meal?
A nods.
They continue eating, after smiling at each other.
Behind the window, B passes by. He sees A, looks for a second, then walks past.
EXT. A'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
A and C stand on the doorsteps, leading up to the apartment.
C brushes A's hair with a hand.
C: I had a really good time tonight.
A: So did I.
Pause.
C: Are you going to invite me in?
A: All right.
A turns away and walks up the few steps with C following. She fishes her keys out of her pockets, then opens the door.
She turns to him as C holds the door open, then grabs and pulls him inside with her.
INT. SAME COFFEE SHOP - DAY
A and C sit at a table, when C looks at his watch.
C: Oh, I have to go to work now.
C leans over and kisses A on the cheek.
C: (cont'd) I had a really great time last night. Thank you for last night...and, this morning.
A doesn't react, besides a small giggle, as C gets up and walks over to the exit. He looks at A before leaving.
A still sits there, drinking her coffee, before she turns to the table and picks up the magazine lying there. She casually flips through it.
B walks in, over to the counter.
SAME CASHIER AS DAY BEFORE standing near the register, dressed exactly the same, grabs a cup.
CASHIER: George, right?
B looks surprised, shakes head up and down.
CASHIER: And, lemme guess, venti caffee latte?
B continues shaking his head.
CASHIER: (mumbling to self) Finally, I got it.
CASHIER quickly scribbles on the cup then moves offscreen.
B looks around and sees A.
A still drinks coffee and flips through the magazine.
A few seconds pass and CASHIER taps B on the shoulder.
B turns around.
CASHIER hands him the drink, after B digs into his pocket and pays for the coffee.
B takes his drink, then walks over to the general area A sits at.
Both tables on each side of her are empty.
B sits down on the chair that C sat at.
A doesn't react.
B sits there quietly, blowing on his drink, before sipping his drink for a few seconds.
He starts tapping the table, while drinking.
A slowly sets her coffee down, then puts her hand over B's, stopping it.
A: You know, that still annoys me after all these years, Russell.
THE END
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Story Four
There was a note slipped under my door, while I wasn't looking.
I didn't know it was there until having a glass of water, my eyes caught it partly hidden by the bottom edge. I set the glass down, before walking over and picking up the simple white envelope.
Slipping a finger underneathe to separate the flap, a small piece of notebook paper folded in half fell out.
On it, was written, "10PM. APT 1431. The door will be open."
I tingled at who could have left this, and was completely anticipating finding out.
The apartment was two floors down, and with each step closer, my heart beat in unison.
My hands finally touched the door, as I stood outside. I didn't know anyone in the building, beyond the ones who resided on my floor, so this person was a complete stranger.
Putting one ear to the door, there weren't any sounds coming from the other side. A hand reached for the doorknob and I slowly moved to the other side of the door.
None of the lights were on, and the blinds or drapes were drawn, so it was completely black. I tried to see my way around the room, but there wasn't really anything of note.
I shut the door and stood in complete darkness.
A disembodied, gravelly voice came from the left.
"You're here. I didn't expect you to come."
He sounded sincere.
I didn't say anything, but the smell of oil paints and cigarettes approached me. The dark erased his features, but the outline of a sizable frame with short curly hair stood in front of me.
"Why am I here?"
A pause, as we stood there.
"I saw you, as you walked by me, and had to follow you home."
"How long ago was that?"
"A month ago."
"What have you learned in a month?"
Another pause.
"You're still a mystery to me."
A smile came over me, and he must have picked up on the sudden warmth emitting from me, because before I knew it, he pulled me to him and his mouth opened mine.
We didn't move from where we were, although I wouldn't have said no, if it lead me off my feet and onto a bed.
My eyes were still closed and mouth open, when he stopped kissing me.
There was a long pause.
His hands left my hair and he silently walked away.
I stood there for a little bit, unsure and confused, but took it as a sign to turn around and let myself out.
When I stepped inside my apartment, I leaned against the door. As I touched my mouth, the imprint he made upon them was in my thoughts.
A few days later, I came home with my hands full of groceries and packages. I was greeted with silence and another plain envelope.
I set everything down and picked it up. It said the same exact thing.
As I got myself ready to meet him, I wasn't sure what to expect. The shower washed away the day's ordinariness, only to make myself aware to the fact his lips and hands will be on me again.
My feet wanted to be bare, so I could feel the creaky wood underneathe my toes as each step led to his apartment. I wanted to remember everything.
I touched the gently flaking gold colored knob and opened it. Again the dark welcomed me, before stepping inside and closing the door.
The door closed and I could feel him near. He didn't say anything, before reaching out and touching my arm. The sleeve was a barrier between palm and skin. The thin material slightly rustled.
We stood there, before he took his hand away.
A second later, his hand moved back and brushed my hair.
I could feel him so near me, as his hand lay on my shoulder.
We edged close and I can feel his heart beating. He was still.
My hand reached up to his face, only to move to his hair. I was right about the curls, as my fingernails made contact with wavy hair.
He stopped my hand and we stood there.
Silently, he led my hand off his head and walked a few steps, my feet following.
He reached for both my hands before sitting me down.
I sat there and slowly leaned back.
He stood over me and let go of my hands.
One of his hands touched my hair again, before moving down to a shoulder, to an elbow, before it touched the top of my calf-length skirt. His hand made itself comfortable on top of the linen.
"What would you like?' he asked.
I didn't say anything, curious what his reaction would be.
He seemed to pause, before slowly rolling up my skirt. He touched my leg, to discover I was wearing socks that covered up a good portion of my legs.
He gently rolled down one sock, so it was fully exposing a knee. His hand was on the back of it, and I could feel him pressing his fingertips.
I know he wanted to make sure I remember every touch and every little moment later while I was alone.
He pressed his lips against my knee, before he ran his tongue from that point. He ran his tongue up my skirt and I sat there, before I found myself shift my body, so he could lick me over my panties. He ran his tongue along the edge, the lace sliding across.
He stopped, then helped me take them off.
After setting them near us, his face was inches from mine.
I leaned forward.
He gave me a quick kiss, before slowly pressing me back and slightly opening my thighs.
I don't know how much time passed but I must have came ten times, before he stopped.
He kissed me as he stood up.
My hand reached blindly for his pants, but before I could do anything, he stopped me, handed my underwear back, then left the room.
I sat in the dark for a long time, before putting my clothes back to normal and letting myself out.
A few days passed before I was sitting on the couch when my head turned to the door.
Someone was standing outside.
I quietly got up and went over to the door.
There was movement.
I looked out the keyhole and saw the top of his head, as his attention was on something he was holding.
I slowly unlocked and opened the door.
He was kneeling down and about to slip another envelope under my door.
I stood there, when he froze. He couldn't look up at first, but after a few seconds, he slowly lifted his head.
I was expecting him to have some extreme anomaly on his face, but there was nothing wrong with him. His eyes and hair were both a dull brown.
His face was blank, as he put the envelope in my hands.
He didn't seem angry, but left me standing there, looking at my hands.
I went to his apartment and became excited, as I got closer.
My hand reached for the knob and it turned as I opened it.
The light was on, which I wasn't expecting.
He was sitting on the couch, drinking vodka, as I came in and closed the door behind me.
His attention slowly turned to me, and he set his drink down on the coffee table in front of him.
He got up and stood in front of me. He ran one hand down my hair, down my cheek, to my shoulder. He grabbed my shoulder and spun me around.
I didn't know what to say, as he had me pinned against the door, while he pulled up my skirt.
He held up my skirt, when he ripped off my underwear.
I was calm, but surprised.
My underwear dropped from his hand, before he unzipped his pants.
He slightly bent me over, then dryly inserted his penis into my ass.
I closed my eyes and bit my lip, as the pain was unbearable.
The pain went away after a few minutes, and my eyes stopped tearing up, and I found myself gasping.
He was quiet behind me, but didn't stop.
Eventually, he started groaning.
It became faster and he started ramming me into the door, with his hands pressed into mine.
Wordless and almost breathless, he came. He pulled out and some of it ran down the back of my thigh.
He softly whispered, "I'm sorry," then left me standing there, not bothering to do up his zipper, before exiting the room.
I slowly turned and looked around the room, before seeing my underwear on the floor and picking it up, before leaving.
I was walking down the street, when he walked by me.
Naturally, he had to be going somewhere.
He was focused, as he carried groceries inside a Trader Joe's bag.
I trailed him, and realised I was following him home.
He was standing at his door, as I stood on the stairs.
Before he had his door open, he slowly turned to me.
A smile came over his face, as we stood there.
He opened his door, then walked in.
He didn't close the door.
I didn't know it was there until having a glass of water, my eyes caught it partly hidden by the bottom edge. I set the glass down, before walking over and picking up the simple white envelope.
Slipping a finger underneathe to separate the flap, a small piece of notebook paper folded in half fell out.
On it, was written, "10PM. APT 1431. The door will be open."
I tingled at who could have left this, and was completely anticipating finding out.
The apartment was two floors down, and with each step closer, my heart beat in unison.
My hands finally touched the door, as I stood outside. I didn't know anyone in the building, beyond the ones who resided on my floor, so this person was a complete stranger.
Putting one ear to the door, there weren't any sounds coming from the other side. A hand reached for the doorknob and I slowly moved to the other side of the door.
None of the lights were on, and the blinds or drapes were drawn, so it was completely black. I tried to see my way around the room, but there wasn't really anything of note.
I shut the door and stood in complete darkness.
A disembodied, gravelly voice came from the left.
"You're here. I didn't expect you to come."
He sounded sincere.
I didn't say anything, but the smell of oil paints and cigarettes approached me. The dark erased his features, but the outline of a sizable frame with short curly hair stood in front of me.
"Why am I here?"
A pause, as we stood there.
"I saw you, as you walked by me, and had to follow you home."
"How long ago was that?"
"A month ago."
"What have you learned in a month?"
Another pause.
"You're still a mystery to me."
A smile came over me, and he must have picked up on the sudden warmth emitting from me, because before I knew it, he pulled me to him and his mouth opened mine.
We didn't move from where we were, although I wouldn't have said no, if it lead me off my feet and onto a bed.
My eyes were still closed and mouth open, when he stopped kissing me.
There was a long pause.
His hands left my hair and he silently walked away.
I stood there for a little bit, unsure and confused, but took it as a sign to turn around and let myself out.
When I stepped inside my apartment, I leaned against the door. As I touched my mouth, the imprint he made upon them was in my thoughts.
A few days later, I came home with my hands full of groceries and packages. I was greeted with silence and another plain envelope.
I set everything down and picked it up. It said the same exact thing.
As I got myself ready to meet him, I wasn't sure what to expect. The shower washed away the day's ordinariness, only to make myself aware to the fact his lips and hands will be on me again.
My feet wanted to be bare, so I could feel the creaky wood underneathe my toes as each step led to his apartment. I wanted to remember everything.
I touched the gently flaking gold colored knob and opened it. Again the dark welcomed me, before stepping inside and closing the door.
The door closed and I could feel him near. He didn't say anything, before reaching out and touching my arm. The sleeve was a barrier between palm and skin. The thin material slightly rustled.
We stood there, before he took his hand away.
A second later, his hand moved back and brushed my hair.
I could feel him so near me, as his hand lay on my shoulder.
We edged close and I can feel his heart beating. He was still.
My hand reached up to his face, only to move to his hair. I was right about the curls, as my fingernails made contact with wavy hair.
He stopped my hand and we stood there.
Silently, he led my hand off his head and walked a few steps, my feet following.
He reached for both my hands before sitting me down.
I sat there and slowly leaned back.
He stood over me and let go of my hands.
One of his hands touched my hair again, before moving down to a shoulder, to an elbow, before it touched the top of my calf-length skirt. His hand made itself comfortable on top of the linen.
"What would you like?' he asked.
I didn't say anything, curious what his reaction would be.
He seemed to pause, before slowly rolling up my skirt. He touched my leg, to discover I was wearing socks that covered up a good portion of my legs.
He gently rolled down one sock, so it was fully exposing a knee. His hand was on the back of it, and I could feel him pressing his fingertips.
I know he wanted to make sure I remember every touch and every little moment later while I was alone.
He pressed his lips against my knee, before he ran his tongue from that point. He ran his tongue up my skirt and I sat there, before I found myself shift my body, so he could lick me over my panties. He ran his tongue along the edge, the lace sliding across.
He stopped, then helped me take them off.
After setting them near us, his face was inches from mine.
I leaned forward.
He gave me a quick kiss, before slowly pressing me back and slightly opening my thighs.
I don't know how much time passed but I must have came ten times, before he stopped.
He kissed me as he stood up.
My hand reached blindly for his pants, but before I could do anything, he stopped me, handed my underwear back, then left the room.
I sat in the dark for a long time, before putting my clothes back to normal and letting myself out.
A few days passed before I was sitting on the couch when my head turned to the door.
Someone was standing outside.
I quietly got up and went over to the door.
There was movement.
I looked out the keyhole and saw the top of his head, as his attention was on something he was holding.
I slowly unlocked and opened the door.
He was kneeling down and about to slip another envelope under my door.
I stood there, when he froze. He couldn't look up at first, but after a few seconds, he slowly lifted his head.
I was expecting him to have some extreme anomaly on his face, but there was nothing wrong with him. His eyes and hair were both a dull brown.
His face was blank, as he put the envelope in my hands.
He didn't seem angry, but left me standing there, looking at my hands.
I went to his apartment and became excited, as I got closer.
My hand reached for the knob and it turned as I opened it.
The light was on, which I wasn't expecting.
He was sitting on the couch, drinking vodka, as I came in and closed the door behind me.
His attention slowly turned to me, and he set his drink down on the coffee table in front of him.
He got up and stood in front of me. He ran one hand down my hair, down my cheek, to my shoulder. He grabbed my shoulder and spun me around.
I didn't know what to say, as he had me pinned against the door, while he pulled up my skirt.
He held up my skirt, when he ripped off my underwear.
I was calm, but surprised.
My underwear dropped from his hand, before he unzipped his pants.
He slightly bent me over, then dryly inserted his penis into my ass.
I closed my eyes and bit my lip, as the pain was unbearable.
The pain went away after a few minutes, and my eyes stopped tearing up, and I found myself gasping.
He was quiet behind me, but didn't stop.
Eventually, he started groaning.
It became faster and he started ramming me into the door, with his hands pressed into mine.
Wordless and almost breathless, he came. He pulled out and some of it ran down the back of my thigh.
He softly whispered, "I'm sorry," then left me standing there, not bothering to do up his zipper, before exiting the room.
I slowly turned and looked around the room, before seeing my underwear on the floor and picking it up, before leaving.
I was walking down the street, when he walked by me.
Naturally, he had to be going somewhere.
He was focused, as he carried groceries inside a Trader Joe's bag.
I trailed him, and realised I was following him home.
He was standing at his door, as I stood on the stairs.
Before he had his door open, he slowly turned to me.
A smile came over his face, as we stood there.
He opened his door, then walked in.
He didn't close the door.
Friday, December 15, 2006
POETRY, SECTION TWO
SECTION TWO:
1.
Wine in a cup.
Each side held by
Her right and His left
hands.
Her turn first.
A tendril tumbled
slowly
as she bent her head
forward.
Her eyes still cast
upon her husband.
His eyes faked love,
as he saw her take the
fatal sip.
"We are one," he said.
The cup fell out of her
grasp,
as she fell down
onto the ground.
Her face grew more
pallid,
as long eyelashes
closed her lids.
Darkness had filled a
large void unable to
knock some sense into
him.
All he thought of was
that Thursday
When he found her
loving another.
This anniversary was
to be their last.
Panic had spread, but
he did nothing.
Standing there to
watch the effects of
the poison.
"Goodbye, love. We are two."
After setting the cup
down
On the table carefully
he shed false tears.
2.
Standing in one corner,
watching people as they pass.
Feeling lost and alone.
Do I really belong here?
I'm waiting for someone.
Reading the magazine.
Unable to concentrate.
Maybe he left sooner.
Maybe he didn't know.
Maybe he won't come.
A rose in my hat.
No one's looking.
No one.
I should go home.
Someone looked.
Is it him?
I see a rose in his shoe.
Not bad.
Dark, puppy dog eyes.
Brown curls lay under a grey cap.
Blue denim jacket, with similiar shirt.
Dark grey jeans.
No belt.
Sneakers tied a little different.
Different is what I need.
He's coming my way.
"Do you want some java before the concert?"
"All right."
3.
The thought of being
in bed with you Has
crossed my mind many times. Mad passionate love--
I've thought of it
doing the dishes,
doing many things.
Taking a shower, I've envisioned your hands and mouth.
Sleeping, I've imagined you next to me.
Listening to music, I've dreamt you singing it to me.
I can't stop.
Maybe if you really did
throw my arms around yourself and
]tossed my thighs around yours.
Maybe if you really did enter me and
make me sigh your name.
Maybe.
4.
Another night of
endless insomnia.
Spending it in bed
listening to --, Plus
this constant ticking
of the clock.
I wish I could stop this habit.
They should switch my
tv shows to afternoon.
Somehow they always
allot the best
afterhours.
There's no advantage--
Only to maniacs and
insomniacs Like
myself and others.
5.
11:30 am.
Friday morning.
11:35 am [Class]
Echoes around the halls ...
Sitting in a classroom ...
Listening in on other's conversations ...
Students working, talking, and etc ...
Teacher thumbing through a folder ...
Four more minutes of class ...
Squares on the floor ...
Fairly empty room ...
Sixteen people ...
No more time to wait when it hits the eight ...
Goodbye, class.
6.
Two O'clock in the morning. Spent with an abuser.
Head swirling from beer. Handcuffed to the bed. Saliva, sweat, and blood.
I had no idea what was going on.
Cigarette butt casting a certain aura, mixed with incense.
Bottles thrown on the floor after being emptied.
Bedsheets tossed all around --
the people on them were responsible.
It's now eleven o'clock am. These stains can't erase memories.
Don't remember much.
I woke, still handcuffed. Next to a blindfolded mate in my dress.
Funny, I don't remember tearing it.
Incense still burning to the root -- the only thing still going.
7.
Weak body, tired arms
Belong to this person.
Lying on my back
exhausted from this result.
My bones felt like
caving in, while
supporting my frame.
Sweat was repeatedly wiped off my forehead.
I held your hand tightly,
constantly screaming
why'd you do this to me?
It's not your fault--It's both of ours.
After the cord was cut,
they put him in my arms.
It felt weird holding something that had
been in my body for
nine months.
So small and fragile.
A tiny gift, wrapped in towels.
He has your eyes.
Sparkling hazel eyes,
Your nose, your ears ...
He has my mouth and coloring.
What a little charmer we've made.
8.
It was very late at night when
the strangest feeling ran through me.
It's not fear,
not anything at all.
A certain void, that's all.
At around 2 o'clock am,
I was sitting on my desk
staring out my window with
darkness surrounding and silence,
Except for
music.
An unseeable presence
lingers near watching
from somewhere.
It enjoys spontaneous blankness.
Sitting did nothing.
Maybe it chose there to have an accompaniment.
Thoughts didn't enter or leave.
Something was blocking out this and that.
Moments wasted away
Lost to silence and
darkness.
9.
Waves crashed against
the body face down on the ground.
Blood soaked sand, as he was turned over.
Shoeless with ripped cuffs.
A knife tightly gripped in one hand.
Rolled in the other a note saying, "Goodbye."
We stood stunned.
His girlfriend leaned her head on my shoulder and cried silently.
While his pockets were searched for identification, I stood holding her.
Tears burnt into my shoulders, Ingraving themselves.
My eyes could not believe what they were seeing.
His girlfriend and I walked off, shocked out of our minds.
"It's all my fault," she said.
I couldn't speak above a whisper.
"You're not to blame," was all I could manage.
10.
Floating down the river.
Flowers around me.
My hair full of water.
I was going the wrong direction.
My clothes billowing.
Floating with a slight rocking motion.
I'm a boat with an invisible motor.
I went the wrong direction.
Branches blocking a blind area --
Blind to reveal a deep area.
It was shallow when I started.
My face dipped below.
My body seemed to become stifled.
Branches intertwined with my hair.
I couldn't breathe, but swallow.
Swallowing water that won't escape.
I've become the next Ophelia.
11.
Striving something more.
We reach for them.
Is it the stars?
Is it the moon?
Is it Pluto?
It's all within our reach.
Our abilities make us able.
Musicians, painters, writers ...
Talents chaotic in our mind
seem to expose
themselves through
endless mediums.
The heavens above
have no limit on us
to hold ourselves
back.
Nobody can refuse
these object of beauty
placed before them.
Heeding the advice of our own,
soon enough others catch on.
12.
The look on your face expressed what I was thinking.
Standing there unclothed, I
swear you wanted to
laugh.
I could see the
amusement sparkling
your eyes. With my
unshavened legs and
your starting to swell
belly.
It didn't seem to
extinguish our desire
for each other. You
wrapped your
non-muscular arms around my motherly hips.
A Soft laugh came through my left ear.
I pushed you off-
Only to collapse laughing.
Who said we're physically perfect?
No one is, in this world.
My breasts aren't very full. Your arse is really flat.
Never mind!
It's what you do with your tools, not what they look like.
13.
It is my one wish to marry and have children.
Ha! That's a laugh.
Tradition leads to weirdness. If white means
innocence and purity,
then what of the men?
Half of these lovematches end in mismatches.
Marriage is for promising yourself to someone, under watch,
'til your body expires.
I'm too young to understand the beauty of that.
Children, the very thought. I want a tiny rugrat to ruin my life.
Make me poorer,
lose sleep,
generally lose my mind ...
I have no patience to spare. Maybe with time,
my ideals will change.
14.
Darling, I have a few confessions to air out.
As if you didn't know.
I'm confused of what I want.
You might take it as indecisiveness.
I don't know--
I guess it is.
Several things have
been bugging me.
my mind and my body
are at odds.
Unable to accept what
the other has to say.
one wants friendship,
the other craves affection.
Somehow, I've managed
to acknowledge one over
the other.
Yet I'm still unsure.
Please help me
decide which direction
to go.
15.
Around now something
should spring up from somewhere.
While I sit and wait,
stirring the coffee with the spoon.
My magazine open to this page or that.
Nothing's happening.
Whispering to each other,
and dropping a few more cubes.
Looking around the diner.
People passing the window,
Going through the door, or
Seated in various ways.
Nothing's going to happen.
Time to vacate our seats.
Money set next to the bill.
Goodbyes said to one another.
My coat on one arm,
while I held my purse.
We left the doorway,
and you entered a taxi.
I stood and waved to you.
Nothing happened.
16.
I have to let go of you.
These memories are the only things I have and hold.
If you weren't gone,
I wouldn't have to do this.
Bastard! Why did you do this to me?
My body feels empty and
My bands feel unused.
They were satisfied with you around.
With no one to hold them,
I think they're going to rot and fall off,
or apart.
I wish you could come back.
Whatever is keeping you from returning?
Is it she?
Is it the hours?
Is it them? What is it?
Must I find you and tell you straight
from my heart all it wants
expressed?
Or, should I continue without you?
17.
I've left one question
unanswered.
The question that
seems
to burn you
deep down inside.
I think I know the
answer but then again not.
Every night when I lay down to bed,
I ask myself,
"Do I want this, also?"
I'm sorry for making
you wait.
Last time I called,
a week ago,
I got the answering machine.
I had no plans to
answer, but time
has come.
You will get your
answer.
18.
Behind the building we stood.
The skin contact of your hands on my waist.
I wasn't wearing two shirts--But a sweater and a tank top.
You have very nice brown eyes, when I stared into them.
After our close contact, something came over us.
Whatever it was--the product was indescribable.
Saliva, mouths, and tongues mixed to form it.
It seemed to last forever.
It wasn't me who drooled, after you wiped my mouth.
The aftermath of it caused a certain warmness all over.
I wanted to rip off your clothes and shag you.
My head fell on your shoulders and then thirst came.
I took two gulps, then set it down.
We looked at each other
smiling and happy.
Now, if only you slept with me.
19.
Thanks to you, I'm still awake.
Just as I was going to fall asleep,
lustful images attacked.
I could almost taste them.
My blanket is on the edge,
after I pushed them off.
I think I know what you felt.
I feel fully hollow.
It's around 23 after 3am.
God! I wish you were here.
I need a rubdown.
Having your hands on my spots.
You'd look really good,
while my mouth
savors your manhood.
You're probably asleep
having sweet dreams, while
I suffer from pain.
Is it really necessary?
Twenty-one minutes
have passed and no let
up yet.
20.
Do you remember
the time we spent alone
on the cement?
My head rested on your lap,
while you kissed my neck.
I heard slurping sounds.
Well, you are strange.
You changed something in me--
I hope you realise.
Before all those moments, I never cared about you.
All your thoughts culminated into a confession.
That was the turning point.
I don't know what will happen.
Maybe good, maybe bad.
I haven't talked to you for two weeks.
It seemed like centuries, though.
Too many minutes to be apart.
If you're still waiting,
I have something to tell you.
21.
As I was about to leave the table,
you reached out for me.
Your hand held onto my wrist.
I turned to look at you.
Your eyes crossed unknown territory
when our gazes met.
I detected a certain sadness.
Warmth spread through me.
A slight tingle from your grasp.
I couldn't breathe from fear.
You looked rather hungry.
For all the world to see,
you pulled me closer.
Letting your hold make itself known.
our lips met, searching for something.
Your hand now grasped my nape,
while mine caressed your ear.
Kisses said what words couldn't.
After we both released ourselves,
our gazes met once again.
Everything was effortlessly carried off.
All feelings of anger missing.
Again as I got up from the table,
you reached for me.
Only to hold my body
against yours,
as we left together.
22.
I never noticed
Any of your clues early enough.
Some made me curious, though.
One time didn't you say
You couldn't have sex.
Something about moaning my name.
What about that other time when you yelled at me, concerned.
I could never forget the many times you called me
"community property" and laid your head on my shoulder.
HOW about the arguments with your "enemy"?
I never realized how much you kissed my ass to get what you want.
Towards the end, you almost --by barely-- won your prize.
Almost beat your competition.
Almost gained what you've wanted.
Only to have time and distance kill what you almost had.
23.
There he stood
--over there--
and projected a certain magnetism.
Enough to pull me in.
Catching my eye, I noticed.
I don't know for what length of time,
we stood staring at each other.
Talked to someone else,
yet I had my sight there.
Quite unsure how far apart we were,
yet it did seem near.
Almost all others were blocked from sight and sound.
I'm very unaware of what I thought or was thinking of.
Having such scattered ideas, then.
Maybe a sense of overwhelmment overcame me.
I can't deny that I noticed.
His smile was nice and friendly,
inviting for anyone who saw,
yet I was the only witness.
I'm sure he's forgotten by now,
but I never will.
24.
I came home to such a sight!
My lover was fondling a picture of ourselves.
I stood in the doorway
aroused and repulsed
to see a man interacting with a piece of decoration.
My eyes widened
as he started to breathe my name.
His eyes closed as a moan escaped his lips.
Sweat glistened on his body.
He was on his back--
Facing up.
\His head fell to the side,
while still having closed eyes.
His eyes opened--
Startling himself.
I stood staring and unmoving.
He dropped the picture and quickly got up.
He put the picture back from where it was.
Unable to look me in the face,
he turned around and dressed himself.
25.
The lights stayed off.
A soft sound emitted.
The blinds half opened.
Faint outline of two people.
Kissing, hugging, and holding.
I pass this room every night on the trip home.
Sometimes, I hear something.
Sometimes, I don't.
These two naked bodies on the bed.
I wonder what they look like.
It's no business of mine to wonder.
I have no involvement with them, or do I?
These could be friends of mine that I freely associate with.
Or, perhaps not.
They could be complete strangers.
They could be anyone.
It's freezing out here.
I'm sure they're warm.
I won't consider ...
I won't wonder...
I won't care who they are.
Yes - well - maybe - I will.
Passing by anonymous window.
26.
I first saw you across
the room.
Whatever impulse
made me--Probably
boredom--Led me to
look around.
Each time I've gazed at
you, something would
hold my attention.
Your eyes, I find most
beautiful of these
things.
Rather dark, almost
black eyes.
Sitting in my seat, I'd
rather be close.
Close enough, I could
use my senses.
Senses to determine
your interest level.
Senses to seduce you.
27.
Many mornings have been spent
feeling empty and hollow.
Alone again on the bed,
awakening to nothing.
Dreams have weird ways of satisfying.
That is, until waking.
Then moments of unfillment
haunt and ridicule.
28.
Looking at you,
I can only guess your thoughts. You sit, while I kneel.
My elbows on the couch with hands grasping yours.
Pleading for an answer in some form of desperation.
Partially blinded by tears,
my eyes search your face.
Staring into vast blankness,
the exploring was useless.
Frantically, my worries overcame me.
Could I of stunned you into becoming mute and indifferent?
Off my knees,
I stood.
Wringing my hands,
I paced.
Wiping my moist face,
I threw myself in a chair,
not knowing you came close.
I found your head fall onto my thighs.
An almost unablity to talk,
but with enough to end my fruitless hunt.
29.
Somewhere in my body,
there's a bottomless pit.
Open to abuses and temptations.
Stabbed apart by all these around.
Unable to form scabs,
because of all the repeated attacks.
I'm a bloody mess.
Most of my sores have been reopened,
leaving me weak and vulnerable.
I'm completely sure
I can't raise my arm off the ground, and
ask for help.
Nothing can move anymore.
Bleeding all over the ground, I'm almost complete.
A nameless splotch on the sand.
Various scars in unspeakable areas
say more than can be said --
Barely a whisper, yet loud enough.
Invisible moans escape into the atmosphere.
Of all my remaining skin and bones,
give me a proper burial.
I'm sure that my efforts to end
my abuse and torment
were not drained with the rest.
30.
I fell asleep on the beach
unaware of the warning.
Awakened to witness
what I've least expected.
Startled,
I grabbed my belongings,
but it was too late.
The wave with invisible hands grabbed and pulled me into her realm.
Current and tide washed by with such physical strength,
I thought only men could possess.
No others were near to hear my screams and cries.
Seagulls and water blocked out all sounds.
Hopelessly, I prayed someone could rescue me-
My only chance surviving.
Signalled my hand to any other witness,
it soon went below sea level.
No longer able to beat off the force against me,
I was defeated and carried down into her deepest depths.
31.
Walking along a decided path,
out from a room flowed music.
Upon catching my ear,
I became curious.
Beauty drew me into her room.
Standing in her threshold,
I saw three musicians playing.
One, being a woman, and the two others
-men, of course--
sat being the audience.
In there with her, they were.
Seating myself to the right of the lair,
I became part of the passive audience.
Remembering, while I sit here, and not there.
There were two and an half songs,
since I've arrived late.
Precious moments exist for only so long.
Quite a shame, they never last forever.
32.
There you were with her.
Her--
an unnamed bimbo.
Her--
a shameless bitch.
Holding hands and happy,
You would look better with a knife shoved in your back.
You fuck her, don't you?
So, is this the result of all my attempts?
You can't ignore me.
I'11 always be there.
Forever belittling you,
in my own way.
Should I burn the pictures?
Should I get on with my life?
Not when you're with that slut.
You shall suffer, suffer, suffer.
1.
Wine in a cup.
Each side held by
Her right and His left
hands.
Her turn first.
A tendril tumbled
slowly
as she bent her head
forward.
Her eyes still cast
upon her husband.
His eyes faked love,
as he saw her take the
fatal sip.
"We are one," he said.
The cup fell out of her
grasp,
as she fell down
onto the ground.
Her face grew more
pallid,
as long eyelashes
closed her lids.
Darkness had filled a
large void unable to
knock some sense into
him.
All he thought of was
that Thursday
When he found her
loving another.
This anniversary was
to be their last.
Panic had spread, but
he did nothing.
Standing there to
watch the effects of
the poison.
"Goodbye, love. We are two."
After setting the cup
down
On the table carefully
he shed false tears.
2.
Standing in one corner,
watching people as they pass.
Feeling lost and alone.
Do I really belong here?
I'm waiting for someone.
Reading the magazine.
Unable to concentrate.
Maybe he left sooner.
Maybe he didn't know.
Maybe he won't come.
A rose in my hat.
No one's looking.
No one.
I should go home.
Someone looked.
Is it him?
I see a rose in his shoe.
Not bad.
Dark, puppy dog eyes.
Brown curls lay under a grey cap.
Blue denim jacket, with similiar shirt.
Dark grey jeans.
No belt.
Sneakers tied a little different.
Different is what I need.
He's coming my way.
"Do you want some java before the concert?"
"All right."
3.
The thought of being
in bed with you Has
crossed my mind many times. Mad passionate love--
I've thought of it
doing the dishes,
doing many things.
Taking a shower, I've envisioned your hands and mouth.
Sleeping, I've imagined you next to me.
Listening to music, I've dreamt you singing it to me.
I can't stop.
Maybe if you really did
throw my arms around yourself and
]tossed my thighs around yours.
Maybe if you really did enter me and
make me sigh your name.
Maybe.
4.
Another night of
endless insomnia.
Spending it in bed
listening to --, Plus
this constant ticking
of the clock.
I wish I could stop this habit.
They should switch my
tv shows to afternoon.
Somehow they always
allot the best
afterhours.
There's no advantage--
Only to maniacs and
insomniacs Like
myself and others.
5.
11:30 am.
Friday morning.
11:35 am [Class]
Echoes around the halls ...
Sitting in a classroom ...
Listening in on other's conversations ...
Students working, talking, and etc ...
Teacher thumbing through a folder ...
Four more minutes of class ...
Squares on the floor ...
Fairly empty room ...
Sixteen people ...
No more time to wait when it hits the eight ...
Goodbye, class.
6.
Two O'clock in the morning. Spent with an abuser.
Head swirling from beer. Handcuffed to the bed. Saliva, sweat, and blood.
I had no idea what was going on.
Cigarette butt casting a certain aura, mixed with incense.
Bottles thrown on the floor after being emptied.
Bedsheets tossed all around --
the people on them were responsible.
It's now eleven o'clock am. These stains can't erase memories.
Don't remember much.
I woke, still handcuffed. Next to a blindfolded mate in my dress.
Funny, I don't remember tearing it.
Incense still burning to the root -- the only thing still going.
7.
Weak body, tired arms
Belong to this person.
Lying on my back
exhausted from this result.
My bones felt like
caving in, while
supporting my frame.
Sweat was repeatedly wiped off my forehead.
I held your hand tightly,
constantly screaming
why'd you do this to me?
It's not your fault--It's both of ours.
After the cord was cut,
they put him in my arms.
It felt weird holding something that had
been in my body for
nine months.
So small and fragile.
A tiny gift, wrapped in towels.
He has your eyes.
Sparkling hazel eyes,
Your nose, your ears ...
He has my mouth and coloring.
What a little charmer we've made.
8.
It was very late at night when
the strangest feeling ran through me.
It's not fear,
not anything at all.
A certain void, that's all.
At around 2 o'clock am,
I was sitting on my desk
staring out my window with
darkness surrounding and silence,
Except for
music.
An unseeable presence
lingers near watching
from somewhere.
It enjoys spontaneous blankness.
Sitting did nothing.
Maybe it chose there to have an accompaniment.
Thoughts didn't enter or leave.
Something was blocking out this and that.
Moments wasted away
Lost to silence and
darkness.
9.
Waves crashed against
the body face down on the ground.
Blood soaked sand, as he was turned over.
Shoeless with ripped cuffs.
A knife tightly gripped in one hand.
Rolled in the other a note saying, "Goodbye."
We stood stunned.
His girlfriend leaned her head on my shoulder and cried silently.
While his pockets were searched for identification, I stood holding her.
Tears burnt into my shoulders, Ingraving themselves.
My eyes could not believe what they were seeing.
His girlfriend and I walked off, shocked out of our minds.
"It's all my fault," she said.
I couldn't speak above a whisper.
"You're not to blame," was all I could manage.
10.
Floating down the river.
Flowers around me.
My hair full of water.
I was going the wrong direction.
My clothes billowing.
Floating with a slight rocking motion.
I'm a boat with an invisible motor.
I went the wrong direction.
Branches blocking a blind area --
Blind to reveal a deep area.
It was shallow when I started.
My face dipped below.
My body seemed to become stifled.
Branches intertwined with my hair.
I couldn't breathe, but swallow.
Swallowing water that won't escape.
I've become the next Ophelia.
11.
Striving something more.
We reach for them.
Is it the stars?
Is it the moon?
Is it Pluto?
It's all within our reach.
Our abilities make us able.
Musicians, painters, writers ...
Talents chaotic in our mind
seem to expose
themselves through
endless mediums.
The heavens above
have no limit on us
to hold ourselves
back.
Nobody can refuse
these object of beauty
placed before them.
Heeding the advice of our own,
soon enough others catch on.
12.
The look on your face expressed what I was thinking.
Standing there unclothed, I
swear you wanted to
laugh.
I could see the
amusement sparkling
your eyes. With my
unshavened legs and
your starting to swell
belly.
It didn't seem to
extinguish our desire
for each other. You
wrapped your
non-muscular arms around my motherly hips.
A Soft laugh came through my left ear.
I pushed you off-
Only to collapse laughing.
Who said we're physically perfect?
No one is, in this world.
My breasts aren't very full. Your arse is really flat.
Never mind!
It's what you do with your tools, not what they look like.
13.
It is my one wish to marry and have children.
Ha! That's a laugh.
Tradition leads to weirdness. If white means
innocence and purity,
then what of the men?
Half of these lovematches end in mismatches.
Marriage is for promising yourself to someone, under watch,
'til your body expires.
I'm too young to understand the beauty of that.
Children, the very thought. I want a tiny rugrat to ruin my life.
Make me poorer,
lose sleep,
generally lose my mind ...
I have no patience to spare. Maybe with time,
my ideals will change.
14.
Darling, I have a few confessions to air out.
As if you didn't know.
I'm confused of what I want.
You might take it as indecisiveness.
I don't know--
I guess it is.
Several things have
been bugging me.
my mind and my body
are at odds.
Unable to accept what
the other has to say.
one wants friendship,
the other craves affection.
Somehow, I've managed
to acknowledge one over
the other.
Yet I'm still unsure.
Please help me
decide which direction
to go.
15.
Around now something
should spring up from somewhere.
While I sit and wait,
stirring the coffee with the spoon.
My magazine open to this page or that.
Nothing's happening.
Whispering to each other,
and dropping a few more cubes.
Looking around the diner.
People passing the window,
Going through the door, or
Seated in various ways.
Nothing's going to happen.
Time to vacate our seats.
Money set next to the bill.
Goodbyes said to one another.
My coat on one arm,
while I held my purse.
We left the doorway,
and you entered a taxi.
I stood and waved to you.
Nothing happened.
16.
I have to let go of you.
These memories are the only things I have and hold.
If you weren't gone,
I wouldn't have to do this.
Bastard! Why did you do this to me?
My body feels empty and
My bands feel unused.
They were satisfied with you around.
With no one to hold them,
I think they're going to rot and fall off,
or apart.
I wish you could come back.
Whatever is keeping you from returning?
Is it she?
Is it the hours?
Is it them? What is it?
Must I find you and tell you straight
from my heart all it wants
expressed?
Or, should I continue without you?
17.
I've left one question
unanswered.
The question that
seems
to burn you
deep down inside.
I think I know the
answer but then again not.
Every night when I lay down to bed,
I ask myself,
"Do I want this, also?"
I'm sorry for making
you wait.
Last time I called,
a week ago,
I got the answering machine.
I had no plans to
answer, but time
has come.
You will get your
answer.
18.
Behind the building we stood.
The skin contact of your hands on my waist.
I wasn't wearing two shirts--But a sweater and a tank top.
You have very nice brown eyes, when I stared into them.
After our close contact, something came over us.
Whatever it was--the product was indescribable.
Saliva, mouths, and tongues mixed to form it.
It seemed to last forever.
It wasn't me who drooled, after you wiped my mouth.
The aftermath of it caused a certain warmness all over.
I wanted to rip off your clothes and shag you.
My head fell on your shoulders and then thirst came.
I took two gulps, then set it down.
We looked at each other
smiling and happy.
Now, if only you slept with me.
19.
Thanks to you, I'm still awake.
Just as I was going to fall asleep,
lustful images attacked.
I could almost taste them.
My blanket is on the edge,
after I pushed them off.
I think I know what you felt.
I feel fully hollow.
It's around 23 after 3am.
God! I wish you were here.
I need a rubdown.
Having your hands on my spots.
You'd look really good,
while my mouth
savors your manhood.
You're probably asleep
having sweet dreams, while
I suffer from pain.
Is it really necessary?
Twenty-one minutes
have passed and no let
up yet.
20.
Do you remember
the time we spent alone
on the cement?
My head rested on your lap,
while you kissed my neck.
I heard slurping sounds.
Well, you are strange.
You changed something in me--
I hope you realise.
Before all those moments, I never cared about you.
All your thoughts culminated into a confession.
That was the turning point.
I don't know what will happen.
Maybe good, maybe bad.
I haven't talked to you for two weeks.
It seemed like centuries, though.
Too many minutes to be apart.
If you're still waiting,
I have something to tell you.
21.
As I was about to leave the table,
you reached out for me.
Your hand held onto my wrist.
I turned to look at you.
Your eyes crossed unknown territory
when our gazes met.
I detected a certain sadness.
Warmth spread through me.
A slight tingle from your grasp.
I couldn't breathe from fear.
You looked rather hungry.
For all the world to see,
you pulled me closer.
Letting your hold make itself known.
our lips met, searching for something.
Your hand now grasped my nape,
while mine caressed your ear.
Kisses said what words couldn't.
After we both released ourselves,
our gazes met once again.
Everything was effortlessly carried off.
All feelings of anger missing.
Again as I got up from the table,
you reached for me.
Only to hold my body
against yours,
as we left together.
22.
I never noticed
Any of your clues early enough.
Some made me curious, though.
One time didn't you say
You couldn't have sex.
Something about moaning my name.
What about that other time when you yelled at me, concerned.
I could never forget the many times you called me
"community property" and laid your head on my shoulder.
HOW about the arguments with your "enemy"?
I never realized how much you kissed my ass to get what you want.
Towards the end, you almost --by barely-- won your prize.
Almost beat your competition.
Almost gained what you've wanted.
Only to have time and distance kill what you almost had.
23.
There he stood
--over there--
and projected a certain magnetism.
Enough to pull me in.
Catching my eye, I noticed.
I don't know for what length of time,
we stood staring at each other.
Talked to someone else,
yet I had my sight there.
Quite unsure how far apart we were,
yet it did seem near.
Almost all others were blocked from sight and sound.
I'm very unaware of what I thought or was thinking of.
Having such scattered ideas, then.
Maybe a sense of overwhelmment overcame me.
I can't deny that I noticed.
His smile was nice and friendly,
inviting for anyone who saw,
yet I was the only witness.
I'm sure he's forgotten by now,
but I never will.
24.
I came home to such a sight!
My lover was fondling a picture of ourselves.
I stood in the doorway
aroused and repulsed
to see a man interacting with a piece of decoration.
My eyes widened
as he started to breathe my name.
His eyes closed as a moan escaped his lips.
Sweat glistened on his body.
He was on his back--
Facing up.
\His head fell to the side,
while still having closed eyes.
His eyes opened--
Startling himself.
I stood staring and unmoving.
He dropped the picture and quickly got up.
He put the picture back from where it was.
Unable to look me in the face,
he turned around and dressed himself.
25.
The lights stayed off.
A soft sound emitted.
The blinds half opened.
Faint outline of two people.
Kissing, hugging, and holding.
I pass this room every night on the trip home.
Sometimes, I hear something.
Sometimes, I don't.
These two naked bodies on the bed.
I wonder what they look like.
It's no business of mine to wonder.
I have no involvement with them, or do I?
These could be friends of mine that I freely associate with.
Or, perhaps not.
They could be complete strangers.
They could be anyone.
It's freezing out here.
I'm sure they're warm.
I won't consider ...
I won't wonder...
I won't care who they are.
Yes - well - maybe - I will.
Passing by anonymous window.
26.
I first saw you across
the room.
Whatever impulse
made me--Probably
boredom--Led me to
look around.
Each time I've gazed at
you, something would
hold my attention.
Your eyes, I find most
beautiful of these
things.
Rather dark, almost
black eyes.
Sitting in my seat, I'd
rather be close.
Close enough, I could
use my senses.
Senses to determine
your interest level.
Senses to seduce you.
27.
Many mornings have been spent
feeling empty and hollow.
Alone again on the bed,
awakening to nothing.
Dreams have weird ways of satisfying.
That is, until waking.
Then moments of unfillment
haunt and ridicule.
28.
Looking at you,
I can only guess your thoughts. You sit, while I kneel.
My elbows on the couch with hands grasping yours.
Pleading for an answer in some form of desperation.
Partially blinded by tears,
my eyes search your face.
Staring into vast blankness,
the exploring was useless.
Frantically, my worries overcame me.
Could I of stunned you into becoming mute and indifferent?
Off my knees,
I stood.
Wringing my hands,
I paced.
Wiping my moist face,
I threw myself in a chair,
not knowing you came close.
I found your head fall onto my thighs.
An almost unablity to talk,
but with enough to end my fruitless hunt.
29.
Somewhere in my body,
there's a bottomless pit.
Open to abuses and temptations.
Stabbed apart by all these around.
Unable to form scabs,
because of all the repeated attacks.
I'm a bloody mess.
Most of my sores have been reopened,
leaving me weak and vulnerable.
I'm completely sure
I can't raise my arm off the ground, and
ask for help.
Nothing can move anymore.
Bleeding all over the ground, I'm almost complete.
A nameless splotch on the sand.
Various scars in unspeakable areas
say more than can be said --
Barely a whisper, yet loud enough.
Invisible moans escape into the atmosphere.
Of all my remaining skin and bones,
give me a proper burial.
I'm sure that my efforts to end
my abuse and torment
were not drained with the rest.
30.
I fell asleep on the beach
unaware of the warning.
Awakened to witness
what I've least expected.
Startled,
I grabbed my belongings,
but it was too late.
The wave with invisible hands grabbed and pulled me into her realm.
Current and tide washed by with such physical strength,
I thought only men could possess.
No others were near to hear my screams and cries.
Seagulls and water blocked out all sounds.
Hopelessly, I prayed someone could rescue me-
My only chance surviving.
Signalled my hand to any other witness,
it soon went below sea level.
No longer able to beat off the force against me,
I was defeated and carried down into her deepest depths.
31.
Walking along a decided path,
out from a room flowed music.
Upon catching my ear,
I became curious.
Beauty drew me into her room.
Standing in her threshold,
I saw three musicians playing.
One, being a woman, and the two others
-men, of course--
sat being the audience.
In there with her, they were.
Seating myself to the right of the lair,
I became part of the passive audience.
Remembering, while I sit here, and not there.
There were two and an half songs,
since I've arrived late.
Precious moments exist for only so long.
Quite a shame, they never last forever.
32.
There you were with her.
Her--
an unnamed bimbo.
Her--
a shameless bitch.
Holding hands and happy,
You would look better with a knife shoved in your back.
You fuck her, don't you?
So, is this the result of all my attempts?
You can't ignore me.
I'11 always be there.
Forever belittling you,
in my own way.
Should I burn the pictures?
Should I get on with my life?
Not when you're with that slut.
You shall suffer, suffer, suffer.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
POETRY, SECTION ONE
SECTION ONE
1.
the breeze of the air
Is freezing me cold.
my dress and sweater
Are blowing around. the hair of the people
Around are in their faces. they're all
standing there
While you were buried.
12 feet underneathe
The gravel they stand upon. they're choking on their
Tears while the priest speaks. if only you weren't
Being moaned about. they wish that you were
Standing there, living and
Breathing and alive. your mourning wife remembers
Your kisses and love. your children remember
Your hugs and encouragement.
Your relatives remember
Your laughter and achievements.
Sitting in the sill of
This window watching your burial.
My cigarette dropped to
The ground before I closed the
Window shut.
2.
Oh, Please have me.
I've been waiting for hours.
It is unusually hot
But even with my clothes off
Without you helping
To get rid of this heat.
I can't do anything about it.
I'm offering My body.
I'm offering My soul.
This bed would be much comfortable
If you were in it.
I need your tongue on my shoulders
With your hands all over me
And your skin clammy and wet
From our bodies ...
I wish this blanket was you instead
sprawled out over me.
Sweat would cool me down.
3.
I want to smash something.
Torment, turmoil, turbulence.
Power bubbles 'neathe the skin
In the blood.
Self-conscious turns to conscious.
Tears, fists, and the evil look
In the eyes. I
'm alive. Very alive.
This brain is seeping
With misery,
With the thought
Of strangling.
These fingertips curl around
Your soft neck.
Squeezing.
If only there was a blade
between my hand.
Allowing your blood to flow
OUT.
Slowly, easily
Leaving a spot on your collar.
Deeper, deeper down.
4.
What we did Yesterday
Sitting there separated
from everyone.
The movie theatre
dark and cool.
With our jackets off.
Yours on your lap,
Mine behind me.
Your hands felt good
over my body.
I'm unsure of how
my hand felt down your pants.
It felt cold and
clammy & of extremely coarse hair.
Your tongue against my
cheek felt delicious.
If I only took it into
my mouth and let saliva slip in.
Your tongue against
my fingers felt incredible.
If only it further
down went on my body.
I'm wondering how
if we undressed each other there
what more would we feel
sitting there and delighting in
our little rendevous
in the back of the movie theatre.
5.
My hand just hangs there
on my schoolbooks
The rings silver, beads, and
moody
My wrist hangs out of my
opened sleeve
I have no use for these cuff
buttons
These sleeves wrinkled
It's very hard trying to
write with nothing to look at
but your hands.
6.
How do you say this?
I love you more and more but
My feelings are sketchy and frail
Like a rose petal falling on the grass
and being stepped on.
Like ice melting in the glass
with soda pop fizzing.
If only surprisingly you
kept me warm in your arms.
Or kiss me deliciously on
the lips with your tongue involved
and spittle swimming around
in my mouth.
Whisper in my ears you care and
hold me still.
You're leaving me feeling
emotionally deprived
and physically cold.
Don't you wish to hold me?
one day when you wake up
and find me gone
would you feel ashamed
and angry towards yourself
Leaving me alone to
resort to onanism.
I wait for you to do something
unplanned, spontaneously and now.
7.
People swear we're
out of our minds.
But we don't care
what others think.
They're just shadows
in the background
while we are the ones in the
foreground.
Fools we may be,
acting like
ourselves But our
minds say we're
fine.
Holding your hand
in front of them.
People see us kiss and delight in
each other's companionship
and wonder.
I don't understand
why.
Maybe i shouldn't
smear lipstick on
Or have
your hand up my skirt
sometimes.
Who are they to tell us
Don't put your leg there
to separate mine.
Don't be so amorous
in public.
Don't wrap your arms
around my waist.
Who are they?
Shut your trap about being
watched.
They can't tell us what we
can't or can do.
Shut up and let me
crawl into your lap.
You can't see them
in the reflection off
our eyes
when we kiss.
8.
It's not much different there.
You have to stand that's all.
They're against the wall
instead of the way we're used to.
I wonder how many hands it takes.
No not hands--just fingers.
Why was the floor wet?
9.
Remember when you told me
of all those things?
Were you telling the truth?
My friend told me you
said the same, altered.
Don't lie when you know it is
wrong.
Everybody can see through you.
Transparent in mind.
Speaking like that gets you
nowhere.
Hiding something won't help.
10.
I've never felt so alone
in my life.
There's certain days it gets to me.
People gloating and beaming
from being with their other.
Sweet little smiles of satisfaction.
Hand-holding and happy.
Tongue in each other's cheeks.
Oh, I love you.
I love you, too.
It makes me sick.
No one's there to say how admired I am.
Maybe it's just an ego improvement
I need.
It's annoying when people around you
have paired off and no one cares about you.
I have no expressions of insane cuteness.
No love letters. No hand to hold.
No one to open my heart to and be told
comforting words.
The madness of a relationship can't harm me
now.
I have no claims on anyone and no one can
hurt me.
My emotional ties are warped to the male sex.
Lovely smiles in a male companion aren't known
to me.
Excuse me while I try to brave my path alone,
hoping I don't stumble on my own with no one
able to pick me up & brush me off.
The clock stopped in
the hallway.
No one beat on the
door to tell me.
one day I just noticed
it not moving.
I rewound it and did
nothing more.
It's fine now.
Superficial to worry
about nothing.
Oh, never mind, it's
over with.
I'll go get my shoes.
12.
"I have a secret to
Come closer."
Sorry, had to be sly and
clever.
Had to kiss your lips.
The desire was too strong
and impulse too
overbearing.
did you enjoy it?
No?
Can we try again?
13.
You caught my eye the other day when you walked by. Quite reserved but happy in your glance when you looked back. "Good morning," you said to the
young girl who was sitting on the stairs slightly absorbed in the people around her. "Good day, sir," I told you back. Sitting down our conversation deepened,
until you had to leave. Every day your arrival was a welcome to me daily routine. The more days passed, the more anxious and anticipated I became. Seeing
your smile and easy laugh, life became easier. One day I found myself awake in bed wondering if you wore a ring because I never cared to know before. I was
staring at your hands and found nothing. Staring into your eyes warmth I felt filled me with hope you'd be mine. I went to sleep happy and determined to ask
you. You never came by again. Where did you go? I'm still wondering night after night what could of happened.
14.
"Boring is a state of mind."
Then why am I bored?
"Oh, there's plenty to do."
Then how come I can't find anything.
"Go find something."
I'm content being bored so leave me alone. "Then stop complaining."
Who said I was complaining?
15.
If only I could savour you
a moment more.
This taste in my mouth
couldn't of been better.
Please don't get off the bed
and then turn on the light, But
do keep on saying how sensual
this feels and how much you
don't want me to stop.
16.
That over there is nice,
but this thing closer is good enough.
Oh, if only I could make up my mind.
Do I want this or
that over there?
I'm so confused.
I wish I knew which would be better.
Can you tell me,
which would you prefer?
I just can't decide.
No, no don't choose for me.
I can do it myself.
It might take too long, though.
Someone else may get it before me.
I must decide soon
Before I feel too rushed.
I can't hurry but I can't worry.
This would be much easier a decision,
If only I didn't want both so much!
I only deserve one, not both.
Okay, this would be good for me
for these reasons.
On the other hand, that would
be nice for these reasons ...
17.
The weight on my mind
burdens me down.
It's impossible to shrug off
until it passes.
Maybe I should just kill myself
to rid of the toiling.
My head fills with these thoughts that won't go away. Could I get a headache, and have my head explode?
I wish my brain didn't feel so heavy.
Someone please come by.
So I could unload the matter onto you,
and have you with the heavy mind.
Yet, I don't know what to express.
At this rate, I'll forever feel
like my head can fall off
at any given moment.
18.
Sending mental messages,
They did get through.
You did as I wished so I sent another.
That happened, too.
Another one sent, another one got.
The endless chain was finally broken yesterday, when the receiver end
didn't get it and did nothing.
19.
The afternoon you came home
and found me sleeping peacefully
in your clothes,
I remember being awoken
and kissed all over.
Once I got up,
you begged me to wear mine.
"Of course," I said.
Throwing open my closet,
you chose from the selection
A long velvet burgundy dress.
Taking off your shirt in front of me,
I thought of how the muscles in your back
tense up in my hands,
while we're breathing uncontrollably.
Taking off your belt & pants,
Wasn't that what you took off me
last night?
Taking off your underwear,
It left me to curiously think
how your just being inside me
can make me come within seconds.
I didn't have to be curious for long
since after you slipped on my clothes
& smeared lipstick on your face
you crawled back to me.
I only wish that our clothes were
on for a little longer.
20.
Unbuttoned his shirt lay on
the wood floors,
While he was in my bed
claiming, "I'm yours."
How was I supposed to know
he was fucking lying?
Letting him gain entry
only to use me for this.
He filled my head with
all these wonderful ideas
of our little house,
of our future children,
of our future together.
You made me a whore
against my will.
I thought you loved me
but all you cared for was an easy lay.
I don't believe I can trust you anymore
when you say all my accusations are false.
I hope the next girl to come along
uses you the same way you used me.
21.
Maybe it would be better
If I shaved my head
and let it be decapitated.
Having a slow agony celebrating
Marie Antoinette and her end.
We need a basket and a
guillotine.
Dress me up in peasant
clothing and shout,
"Robespierre Lives."
Leave my head in the basket
Carry it to the ocean
Throw it in and let it float.
No, I'll keep my hair and
Rid my fear of heights.
Give me handcuffs and bind me
So I can't back out, but
be brave.
No, drug me with wine.
Hit me in the back of my bead
and Carry me into your
bedroom.
Rip off my clothing
and Make marks all over with
a carving knive.
Leave me into scraps
Buried in your backyard.
Take my head into your hand
With your other hand pointing
a gun
Pull the trigger and Have my
guts spill.
I don't feel like living
anymore
So do what you want
and have your fun.
I won't be around to care.
Maybe Jean-Paul Marat had
it best Being murdered
in his bath by Charlotte Corday.
Maybe that's the best way.
22.
The other day I was thinking
what it would be like
lonely my whole life.
It made me feel more
sensitively.
I don't like being alone and
feeling empty.
Paranoia does enforce
loneliness.
I just don't like the way
I feel.
23.
You have this power over me.
What did you do to me?
All it took was one thing.
How could something so little affect me so much.
I thought I was going to hyperventilate because I was in too much amazement.
My breathing failed me for that
moment after.
It didn't take up all my energy,
but I wish it did.
I could lay my head on your shoulders and feel satisfied
enclosed in your arms, but
I don't.
I want more of this passionate exchange. Heaven can't possibly be this good.
Blissful is the moments we spend
stretching our tongues into the deep crevices of each other's mouth.
You like the moments when my hair falls around your face while
your mouth is caressingly soft.
I like it when I'm pulled closer
by your arms draped around
my shoulders with your hands
in my locks of hair.
Oh! The strength of our mouths
refuses to let up!
Breathing in each other's fragrance
after we've had our session of love.
The air is clean and sweet.
I'm anxious for another moment of
lying on the grass and
savouring each other's mouth.
24.
I can't deny that
There is a distance between us.
People can't tell there's an air of sadness Because
there's no space between our bodies.
All they breathe is happiness
while I'm choking on depression.
Maybe we are only friends in your
mind But I feel more.
I don't want to keep acting like we
Because I know I'm not a good actress.
25
I was deep in sleep as morning passed because night shook me awake. Night refuses to let me close my eyes. It's like a lover who keeps you up by whatever way they can. It's not fair being alive when everyone else lies around. Adventure doesn't come when the world stops for a breath. As I recline in my bed, like everybody else does, I stare at my ceiling wondering. Is night jealous of morning? Lover, night, don't he. You are more beautiful of the two. Your air is more fragrant. I prefer you to my mistress. Much more calm and gentle you are. I've seen people move under your spell. You beautiful witch, casting encantations over every person. Damn you! You are a jealous lover! Refusing to release your hold on me. I've never been let out of your sight. I can never cheat and be unfaithful with you around the corner. Darling, I can never escape you. I will never try to escape you. You spend all your time Keeping me under your spell of loving you to make me want to try to leave you.
26.
Sitting on my desk, about to turn 4:58pm, Looking out my window and
Listening to Suede.
I'm doing nothing but suffering
from boredom.
Doing nothing, going nowhere but
watching cars go by.
One, two, three ...
I wish for rain & coldness,
but I get sun & warmth.
The trees outside are turning
red, yellow & brown,
although a few are still green.
Nothing is going on, but nature doing her job.
27.
Dripping wet, waiting under the awning.
I crave the comfort of a book
and some warm clothes.
Even my backpack is soaked through.
My novels and notebooks looking like I took a bath and dropped them in.
It's evident I need to go home.
If I go inside, across the street, I'd miss the daily trip there.
The train stop and chair dreary from the rain. My marrow feels soaked even.
Maybe if I wore a raincoat--I'd feel better--But I never do.
28.
Often I looked down
at my womb and wondered.
So many entrances and exits.
By the time I die,
I will have had periods, men & babies
encounter this place.
I've worn mens briefs to make it
stop whining.
It's constantly hungry and makes
me unable to think clearly.
I think it needs its bottle.
29.
Just what did you do to me last night.
After we got ourselves drunk?
All I remember was sharing some whiskey.
I've awoken on top, feeling your heartbeat, while you still sleep.
I've no idea of what we've done.
Could we of streaked around our block?
Could we of made love on your car?
What did we do?
All that remains is ripped clothing on the floor, besides the bottle.
How good was it--do you remember?
At this rate, we'll never know.
Doesn't matter--as long as I'm not regretful of anything that could of happened.
30.
Lying on the grass next to you.
I recline on one arm, the other flung around your body.
I'm leaning on your side watching you breathe. Your eyes 3/4 of the way fully closed.
I'm sorry, I like how your adam's apple feels against my forefinger.
My hands are always freezing, dear.
I think that's why I put my hands there.
As I lay next to you--loving every
moment--I could think of nothing
but how much I adore you.
31.
My head is filled with all these
strange ideas.
Mostly images of memories I hold
close.
I will never let go
of these things that haunt me.
32.
Do you see the starfish on the
ceiling?
Do you see them?
Lie down and focus.
Close off all surroundings and look.
Do you see them?
Before your eyes, they take shape.
It doesn't take much practice.
just look and they will be there.
Why don't you believe me?
I swear to you! Look!
There they are stars in the stucco.
33.
I couldn't stop giggling when
you tickled my sides as we lay
on the floor under the blanket
by the couch.
There's nothing better than your
touch and your arms and your body.
Nuzzling your face against my nape
It felt so good.
I think my head fell back from
sighing, half-drunk off your kisses.
I don't remember a thing of our whispering except, "I love you."
34.
Upon my discovery
I found a new way around.
Life is throwing me a curve.
The more I look, the more
I question.
My lover doesn't know the
truth that I crave something
else,
Something he can't give me.
35.
Often I look in the mirror
to see myself, but do I really
know who I am?
I want to know who I'm looking
at.
Do the insides match the outsides?
I see my eyes, my nose, my mouth,
my earlobes.
my expression reveals nothing
because it's blank.
I smile--I only see a smile.
I frown--I only see a frown.
If I have some form of madness
or depression, or whatever
I can't see it.
Why can't this mirror help me see
what I am?
Show me, I need to know.
Maybe if I turn off the light,
I could see into myself.
No, all I see is darkness.
The same if I close my eyes.
36.
I was asleep thinking.
Images of you & I flooded my mind.
What could happen between us But
doesn't.
If only I could wake and find this
a reality.
I moved my body around and shifted
over to the other side.
Was I still dreaming when I found you
in a chair, by the window, smoking a
cigarette, and gazing upon me?
37.
We sat whispering as the instruments
played.
I don't remember what song they played
as you caressed my cheek.
Our eyes turned to one another, not
the stage.
The cresendo of the music soared
when you put your left hand on my
thigh & kissed my neck longingly.
My sweater fell on the ground as you
wrapped your arms around me.
I hope no one saw us completely
unattentive.
You loosened the ornaments out of
my hair & let it fall around my
shoulders.
"I love your hair," you said as you
took a handful of it & let your lips
pass over.
As you kissed me deeper and deeper
you let your hands delve in and
explore the inside of my dress.
Halfway through the song our passion
relaxed.
It died with the song.
Only to have the musicians & us
start up again.
38.
I'm in love with no one.
No man has my hand in
marriage
Bonded with a gold or silver
ring upon our left hands.
I don't share my bed with
anyone.
I'm empty; no hopes of having
a child soon enough to continue
the generation.
No suitors to entice me with
flowers.
No one to savour my body.
Loneliness phone calls are out
of the question.
Snuggling in front of fires
are only silly dreams.
I'm not interested in whispering.
Not a hand will be touching me.
No fights, no tears, no fists.
No shoulders offered, none given.
My tongue stays inside my mouth.
I belong to no one.
Well, alright...maybe one.
39.
My mouth craves to be used
To have someone use and enjoy.
My lips want another pair
To mutually do what they want.
My tongue wishes for a surface
To discover and shape its
existence.
For the past two months
And almost another,
I've been deprived completely.
My last lover didn't satisfy
Making me wish for more.
Really, then, it's been longer.
I deserve better than that
piece of shit.
A certain someone has my
mind on him.
I doubt he thinks of me.
never have I asked, though.
Well, I just don't know. do.
I'll suffer a little more
And wait for its usage.
40.
I was standing there
Wishing, hoping, praying
you'd be present.
You never showed up.
I wondered where you were.
Today, I wrote your name
with an orange on the pavement.
My friend and I
said useless drivel about you
soon after.
About this time, two years ago,
I first laid eyes on you.
Only in my dreams
Have I touched any part of you
Or had a child of ours.
Truth and fiction are two different
things.
Fiction, I know everything.
I wish I love the person
But I love the image.
Something about my fantasies
placed you above the others.
You're gone off somewhere
yet a replacement, I haven't found.
But, I know I'll see you someday
A father and in someone else's arms.
41.
The incessant clock ticking at
this hour. Nineteen after 4 o'
clock in the morning. My mind
feels rejection. Alone again
without company. My body and thighs
feel hollow without someone inside
me. I need a man HERE craving for
satisfaction.
My lips want that. My hips want that.
My thighs want that. My hands want
that. My erogenous zones want that
Oh!
I want to feel full inside. Release yourself into me. My strength refuses
to match yours. A gentle shake won't do. Am I allowed to help you bring
me to orgasm?
I wish my pain would go away.
I can't do anything about it but wait it off.
Now, it's not possible to lose control
with myself.
I must wait, until I can.
It's now fifty-five after 4
o-clock in the morning. I hope it doesn't worsen. I just hope it
doesn't.
42.
Nine something at night With all the lights off.
Standing among other men and women,
I watched from the side.
It began with several tiny lights To guide your ways.
Then some other lights came on To guide your actions.
What colour was the light? Was it blue? Was it red?
Was it green? Was it white? Was it a combination of several?
I don't remember.
Six people there for all us strangers.
A gyrating singer My friend thought you should of fallen over.
A nodding bassist Offered a necklace, as if a God.
A musician extraordinaire Stopping to adjust the microphone stand,
scratching your beard, and for a two/three minute break.
Your violin definitely can charm along with your eyes.
A bespectacled guitarist Next time you'll get more attention.
I paid more looks to the artwork, and the others.
A blond drummer That's all I saw from where I was.
Someone's speaker was in the way.
Lastly, a bug-eyed keyboardist Anytime the others were out of the
way My attention was on you.
Vast memories fill my head. A (blue) hotel keychain thrown,
a coke bottle, Taking off of clothing, The moving around,
The hyperactive girls, And feelings of pleasant dreaming.
Coming back for more Staking your places in a row.
Lights still bouncing off. Casting black shadows over
pale, gaunt, English faces. Stools to accomodate-Only to be emptied, Except for one, Before it was really over.
"Hurry! Let's get this finished!", Ran through all six heads.
One didn't budge, the other too busy with four crowded around.
It being over, the real lights came on. Along with the others I was obliged to leave my spot. Deaf in one ear, with an elated feeling, My friend and I left the building. Rain lending itself to a perfect night.
the breeze of the air
Is freezing me cold.
my dress and sweater
Are blowing around. the hair of the people
Around are in their faces. they're all
standing there
While you were buried.
12 feet underneathe
The gravel they stand upon. they're choking on their
Tears while the priest speaks. if only you weren't
Being moaned about. they wish that you were
Standing there, living and
Breathing and alive. your mourning wife remembers
Your kisses and love. your children remember
Your hugs and encouragement.
Your relatives remember
Your laughter and achievements.
Sitting in the sill of
This window watching your burial.
My cigarette dropped to
The ground before I closed the
Window shut.
2.
Oh, Please have me.
I've been waiting for hours.
It is unusually hot
But even with my clothes off
Without you helping
To get rid of this heat.
I can't do anything about it.
I'm offering My body.
I'm offering My soul.
This bed would be much comfortable
If you were in it.
I need your tongue on my shoulders
With your hands all over me
And your skin clammy and wet
From our bodies ...
I wish this blanket was you instead
sprawled out over me.
Sweat would cool me down.
3.
I want to smash something.
Torment, turmoil, turbulence.
Power bubbles 'neathe the skin
In the blood.
Self-conscious turns to conscious.
Tears, fists, and the evil look
In the eyes. I
'm alive. Very alive.
This brain is seeping
With misery,
With the thought
Of strangling.
These fingertips curl around
Your soft neck.
Squeezing.
If only there was a blade
between my hand.
Allowing your blood to flow
OUT.
Slowly, easily
Leaving a spot on your collar.
Deeper, deeper down.
4.
What we did Yesterday
Sitting there separated
from everyone.
The movie theatre
dark and cool.
With our jackets off.
Yours on your lap,
Mine behind me.
Your hands felt good
over my body.
I'm unsure of how
my hand felt down your pants.
It felt cold and
clammy & of extremely coarse hair.
Your tongue against my
cheek felt delicious.
If I only took it into
my mouth and let saliva slip in.
Your tongue against
my fingers felt incredible.
If only it further
down went on my body.
I'm wondering how
if we undressed each other there
what more would we feel
sitting there and delighting in
our little rendevous
in the back of the movie theatre.
5.
My hand just hangs there
on my schoolbooks
The rings silver, beads, and
moody
My wrist hangs out of my
opened sleeve
I have no use for these cuff
buttons
These sleeves wrinkled
It's very hard trying to
write with nothing to look at
but your hands.
6.
How do you say this?
I love you more and more but
My feelings are sketchy and frail
Like a rose petal falling on the grass
and being stepped on.
Like ice melting in the glass
with soda pop fizzing.
If only surprisingly you
kept me warm in your arms.
Or kiss me deliciously on
the lips with your tongue involved
and spittle swimming around
in my mouth.
Whisper in my ears you care and
hold me still.
You're leaving me feeling
emotionally deprived
and physically cold.
Don't you wish to hold me?
one day when you wake up
and find me gone
would you feel ashamed
and angry towards yourself
Leaving me alone to
resort to onanism.
I wait for you to do something
unplanned, spontaneously and now.
7.
People swear we're
out of our minds.
But we don't care
what others think.
They're just shadows
in the background
while we are the ones in the
foreground.
Fools we may be,
acting like
ourselves But our
minds say we're
fine.
Holding your hand
in front of them.
People see us kiss and delight in
each other's companionship
and wonder.
I don't understand
why.
Maybe i shouldn't
smear lipstick on
Or have
your hand up my skirt
sometimes.
Who are they to tell us
Don't put your leg there
to separate mine.
Don't be so amorous
in public.
Don't wrap your arms
around my waist.
Who are they?
Shut your trap about being
watched.
They can't tell us what we
can't or can do.
Shut up and let me
crawl into your lap.
You can't see them
in the reflection off
our eyes
when we kiss.
8.
It's not much different there.
You have to stand that's all.
They're against the wall
instead of the way we're used to.
I wonder how many hands it takes.
No not hands--just fingers.
Why was the floor wet?
9.
Remember when you told me
of all those things?
Were you telling the truth?
My friend told me you
said the same, altered.
Don't lie when you know it is
wrong.
Everybody can see through you.
Transparent in mind.
Speaking like that gets you
nowhere.
Hiding something won't help.
10.
I've never felt so alone
in my life.
There's certain days it gets to me.
People gloating and beaming
from being with their other.
Sweet little smiles of satisfaction.
Hand-holding and happy.
Tongue in each other's cheeks.
Oh, I love you.
I love you, too.
It makes me sick.
No one's there to say how admired I am.
Maybe it's just an ego improvement
I need.
It's annoying when people around you
have paired off and no one cares about you.
I have no expressions of insane cuteness.
No love letters. No hand to hold.
No one to open my heart to and be told
comforting words.
The madness of a relationship can't harm me
now.
I have no claims on anyone and no one can
hurt me.
My emotional ties are warped to the male sex.
Lovely smiles in a male companion aren't known
to me.
Excuse me while I try to brave my path alone,
hoping I don't stumble on my own with no one
able to pick me up & brush me off.
The clock stopped in
the hallway.
No one beat on the
door to tell me.
one day I just noticed
it not moving.
I rewound it and did
nothing more.
It's fine now.
Superficial to worry
about nothing.
Oh, never mind, it's
over with.
I'll go get my shoes.
12.
"I have a secret to
Come closer."
Sorry, had to be sly and
clever.
Had to kiss your lips.
The desire was too strong
and impulse too
overbearing.
did you enjoy it?
No?
Can we try again?
13.
You caught my eye the other day when you walked by. Quite reserved but happy in your glance when you looked back. "Good morning," you said to the
young girl who was sitting on the stairs slightly absorbed in the people around her. "Good day, sir," I told you back. Sitting down our conversation deepened,
until you had to leave. Every day your arrival was a welcome to me daily routine. The more days passed, the more anxious and anticipated I became. Seeing
your smile and easy laugh, life became easier. One day I found myself awake in bed wondering if you wore a ring because I never cared to know before. I was
staring at your hands and found nothing. Staring into your eyes warmth I felt filled me with hope you'd be mine. I went to sleep happy and determined to ask
you. You never came by again. Where did you go? I'm still wondering night after night what could of happened.
14.
"Boring is a state of mind."
Then why am I bored?
"Oh, there's plenty to do."
Then how come I can't find anything.
"Go find something."
I'm content being bored so leave me alone. "Then stop complaining."
Who said I was complaining?
15.
If only I could savour you
a moment more.
This taste in my mouth
couldn't of been better.
Please don't get off the bed
and then turn on the light, But
do keep on saying how sensual
this feels and how much you
don't want me to stop.
16.
That over there is nice,
but this thing closer is good enough.
Oh, if only I could make up my mind.
Do I want this or
that over there?
I'm so confused.
I wish I knew which would be better.
Can you tell me,
which would you prefer?
I just can't decide.
No, no don't choose for me.
I can do it myself.
It might take too long, though.
Someone else may get it before me.
I must decide soon
Before I feel too rushed.
I can't hurry but I can't worry.
This would be much easier a decision,
If only I didn't want both so much!
I only deserve one, not both.
Okay, this would be good for me
for these reasons.
On the other hand, that would
be nice for these reasons ...
17.
The weight on my mind
burdens me down.
It's impossible to shrug off
until it passes.
Maybe I should just kill myself
to rid of the toiling.
My head fills with these thoughts that won't go away. Could I get a headache, and have my head explode?
I wish my brain didn't feel so heavy.
Someone please come by.
So I could unload the matter onto you,
and have you with the heavy mind.
Yet, I don't know what to express.
At this rate, I'll forever feel
like my head can fall off
at any given moment.
18.
Sending mental messages,
They did get through.
You did as I wished so I sent another.
That happened, too.
Another one sent, another one got.
The endless chain was finally broken yesterday, when the receiver end
didn't get it and did nothing.
19.
The afternoon you came home
and found me sleeping peacefully
in your clothes,
I remember being awoken
and kissed all over.
Once I got up,
you begged me to wear mine.
"Of course," I said.
Throwing open my closet,
you chose from the selection
A long velvet burgundy dress.
Taking off your shirt in front of me,
I thought of how the muscles in your back
tense up in my hands,
while we're breathing uncontrollably.
Taking off your belt & pants,
Wasn't that what you took off me
last night?
Taking off your underwear,
It left me to curiously think
how your just being inside me
can make me come within seconds.
I didn't have to be curious for long
since after you slipped on my clothes
& smeared lipstick on your face
you crawled back to me.
I only wish that our clothes were
on for a little longer.
20.
Unbuttoned his shirt lay on
the wood floors,
While he was in my bed
claiming, "I'm yours."
How was I supposed to know
he was fucking lying?
Letting him gain entry
only to use me for this.
He filled my head with
all these wonderful ideas
of our little house,
of our future children,
of our future together.
You made me a whore
against my will.
I thought you loved me
but all you cared for was an easy lay.
I don't believe I can trust you anymore
when you say all my accusations are false.
I hope the next girl to come along
uses you the same way you used me.
21.
Maybe it would be better
If I shaved my head
and let it be decapitated.
Having a slow agony celebrating
Marie Antoinette and her end.
We need a basket and a
guillotine.
Dress me up in peasant
clothing and shout,
"Robespierre Lives."
Leave my head in the basket
Carry it to the ocean
Throw it in and let it float.
No, I'll keep my hair and
Rid my fear of heights.
Give me handcuffs and bind me
So I can't back out, but
be brave.
No, drug me with wine.
Hit me in the back of my bead
and Carry me into your
bedroom.
Rip off my clothing
and Make marks all over with
a carving knive.
Leave me into scraps
Buried in your backyard.
Take my head into your hand
With your other hand pointing
a gun
Pull the trigger and Have my
guts spill.
I don't feel like living
anymore
So do what you want
and have your fun.
I won't be around to care.
Maybe Jean-Paul Marat had
it best Being murdered
in his bath by Charlotte Corday.
Maybe that's the best way.
22.
The other day I was thinking
what it would be like
lonely my whole life.
It made me feel more
sensitively.
I don't like being alone and
feeling empty.
Paranoia does enforce
loneliness.
I just don't like the way
I feel.
23.
You have this power over me.
What did you do to me?
All it took was one thing.
How could something so little affect me so much.
I thought I was going to hyperventilate because I was in too much amazement.
My breathing failed me for that
moment after.
It didn't take up all my energy,
but I wish it did.
I could lay my head on your shoulders and feel satisfied
enclosed in your arms, but
I don't.
I want more of this passionate exchange. Heaven can't possibly be this good.
Blissful is the moments we spend
stretching our tongues into the deep crevices of each other's mouth.
You like the moments when my hair falls around your face while
your mouth is caressingly soft.
I like it when I'm pulled closer
by your arms draped around
my shoulders with your hands
in my locks of hair.
Oh! The strength of our mouths
refuses to let up!
Breathing in each other's fragrance
after we've had our session of love.
The air is clean and sweet.
I'm anxious for another moment of
lying on the grass and
savouring each other's mouth.
24.
I can't deny that
There is a distance between us.
People can't tell there's an air of sadness Because
there's no space between our bodies.
All they breathe is happiness
while I'm choking on depression.
Maybe we are only friends in your
mind But I feel more.
I don't want to keep acting like we
Because I know I'm not a good actress.
25
I was deep in sleep as morning passed because night shook me awake. Night refuses to let me close my eyes. It's like a lover who keeps you up by whatever way they can. It's not fair being alive when everyone else lies around. Adventure doesn't come when the world stops for a breath. As I recline in my bed, like everybody else does, I stare at my ceiling wondering. Is night jealous of morning? Lover, night, don't he. You are more beautiful of the two. Your air is more fragrant. I prefer you to my mistress. Much more calm and gentle you are. I've seen people move under your spell. You beautiful witch, casting encantations over every person. Damn you! You are a jealous lover! Refusing to release your hold on me. I've never been let out of your sight. I can never cheat and be unfaithful with you around the corner. Darling, I can never escape you. I will never try to escape you. You spend all your time Keeping me under your spell of loving you to make me want to try to leave you.
26.
Sitting on my desk, about to turn 4:58pm, Looking out my window and
Listening to Suede.
I'm doing nothing but suffering
from boredom.
Doing nothing, going nowhere but
watching cars go by.
One, two, three ...
I wish for rain & coldness,
but I get sun & warmth.
The trees outside are turning
red, yellow & brown,
although a few are still green.
Nothing is going on, but nature doing her job.
27.
Dripping wet, waiting under the awning.
I crave the comfort of a book
and some warm clothes.
Even my backpack is soaked through.
My novels and notebooks looking like I took a bath and dropped them in.
It's evident I need to go home.
If I go inside, across the street, I'd miss the daily trip there.
The train stop and chair dreary from the rain. My marrow feels soaked even.
Maybe if I wore a raincoat--I'd feel better--But I never do.
28.
Often I looked down
at my womb and wondered.
So many entrances and exits.
By the time I die,
I will have had periods, men & babies
encounter this place.
I've worn mens briefs to make it
stop whining.
It's constantly hungry and makes
me unable to think clearly.
I think it needs its bottle.
29.
Just what did you do to me last night.
After we got ourselves drunk?
All I remember was sharing some whiskey.
I've awoken on top, feeling your heartbeat, while you still sleep.
I've no idea of what we've done.
Could we of streaked around our block?
Could we of made love on your car?
What did we do?
All that remains is ripped clothing on the floor, besides the bottle.
How good was it--do you remember?
At this rate, we'll never know.
Doesn't matter--as long as I'm not regretful of anything that could of happened.
30.
Lying on the grass next to you.
I recline on one arm, the other flung around your body.
I'm leaning on your side watching you breathe. Your eyes 3/4 of the way fully closed.
I'm sorry, I like how your adam's apple feels against my forefinger.
My hands are always freezing, dear.
I think that's why I put my hands there.
As I lay next to you--loving every
moment--I could think of nothing
but how much I adore you.
31.
My head is filled with all these
strange ideas.
Mostly images of memories I hold
close.
I will never let go
of these things that haunt me.
32.
Do you see the starfish on the
ceiling?
Do you see them?
Lie down and focus.
Close off all surroundings and look.
Do you see them?
Before your eyes, they take shape.
It doesn't take much practice.
just look and they will be there.
Why don't you believe me?
I swear to you! Look!
There they are stars in the stucco.
33.
I couldn't stop giggling when
you tickled my sides as we lay
on the floor under the blanket
by the couch.
There's nothing better than your
touch and your arms and your body.
Nuzzling your face against my nape
It felt so good.
I think my head fell back from
sighing, half-drunk off your kisses.
I don't remember a thing of our whispering except, "I love you."
34.
Upon my discovery
I found a new way around.
Life is throwing me a curve.
The more I look, the more
I question.
My lover doesn't know the
truth that I crave something
else,
Something he can't give me.
35.
Often I look in the mirror
to see myself, but do I really
know who I am?
I want to know who I'm looking
at.
Do the insides match the outsides?
I see my eyes, my nose, my mouth,
my earlobes.
my expression reveals nothing
because it's blank.
I smile--I only see a smile.
I frown--I only see a frown.
If I have some form of madness
or depression, or whatever
I can't see it.
Why can't this mirror help me see
what I am?
Show me, I need to know.
Maybe if I turn off the light,
I could see into myself.
No, all I see is darkness.
The same if I close my eyes.
36.
I was asleep thinking.
Images of you & I flooded my mind.
What could happen between us But
doesn't.
If only I could wake and find this
a reality.
I moved my body around and shifted
over to the other side.
Was I still dreaming when I found you
in a chair, by the window, smoking a
cigarette, and gazing upon me?
37.
We sat whispering as the instruments
played.
I don't remember what song they played
as you caressed my cheek.
Our eyes turned to one another, not
the stage.
The cresendo of the music soared
when you put your left hand on my
thigh & kissed my neck longingly.
My sweater fell on the ground as you
wrapped your arms around me.
I hope no one saw us completely
unattentive.
You loosened the ornaments out of
my hair & let it fall around my
shoulders.
"I love your hair," you said as you
took a handful of it & let your lips
pass over.
As you kissed me deeper and deeper
you let your hands delve in and
explore the inside of my dress.
Halfway through the song our passion
relaxed.
It died with the song.
Only to have the musicians & us
start up again.
38.
I'm in love with no one.
No man has my hand in
marriage
Bonded with a gold or silver
ring upon our left hands.
I don't share my bed with
anyone.
I'm empty; no hopes of having
a child soon enough to continue
the generation.
No suitors to entice me with
flowers.
No one to savour my body.
Loneliness phone calls are out
of the question.
Snuggling in front of fires
are only silly dreams.
I'm not interested in whispering.
Not a hand will be touching me.
No fights, no tears, no fists.
No shoulders offered, none given.
My tongue stays inside my mouth.
I belong to no one.
Well, alright...maybe one.
39.
My mouth craves to be used
To have someone use and enjoy.
My lips want another pair
To mutually do what they want.
My tongue wishes for a surface
To discover and shape its
existence.
For the past two months
And almost another,
I've been deprived completely.
My last lover didn't satisfy
Making me wish for more.
Really, then, it's been longer.
I deserve better than that
piece of shit.
A certain someone has my
mind on him.
I doubt he thinks of me.
never have I asked, though.
Well, I just don't know. do.
I'll suffer a little more
And wait for its usage.
40.
I was standing there
Wishing, hoping, praying
you'd be present.
You never showed up.
I wondered where you were.
Today, I wrote your name
with an orange on the pavement.
My friend and I
said useless drivel about you
soon after.
About this time, two years ago,
I first laid eyes on you.
Only in my dreams
Have I touched any part of you
Or had a child of ours.
Truth and fiction are two different
things.
Fiction, I know everything.
I wish I love the person
But I love the image.
Something about my fantasies
placed you above the others.
You're gone off somewhere
yet a replacement, I haven't found.
But, I know I'll see you someday
A father and in someone else's arms.
41.
The incessant clock ticking at
this hour. Nineteen after 4 o'
clock in the morning. My mind
feels rejection. Alone again
without company. My body and thighs
feel hollow without someone inside
me. I need a man HERE craving for
satisfaction.
My lips want that. My hips want that.
My thighs want that. My hands want
that. My erogenous zones want that
Oh!
I want to feel full inside. Release yourself into me. My strength refuses
to match yours. A gentle shake won't do. Am I allowed to help you bring
me to orgasm?
I wish my pain would go away.
I can't do anything about it but wait it off.
Now, it's not possible to lose control
with myself.
I must wait, until I can.
It's now fifty-five after 4
o-clock in the morning. I hope it doesn't worsen. I just hope it
doesn't.
42.
Nine something at night With all the lights off.
Standing among other men and women,
I watched from the side.
It began with several tiny lights To guide your ways.
Then some other lights came on To guide your actions.
What colour was the light? Was it blue? Was it red?
Was it green? Was it white? Was it a combination of several?
I don't remember.
Six people there for all us strangers.
A gyrating singer My friend thought you should of fallen over.
A nodding bassist Offered a necklace, as if a God.
A musician extraordinaire Stopping to adjust the microphone stand,
scratching your beard, and for a two/three minute break.
Your violin definitely can charm along with your eyes.
A bespectacled guitarist Next time you'll get more attention.
I paid more looks to the artwork, and the others.
A blond drummer That's all I saw from where I was.
Someone's speaker was in the way.
Lastly, a bug-eyed keyboardist Anytime the others were out of the
way My attention was on you.
Vast memories fill my head. A (blue) hotel keychain thrown,
a coke bottle, Taking off of clothing, The moving around,
The hyperactive girls, And feelings of pleasant dreaming.
Coming back for more Staking your places in a row.
Lights still bouncing off. Casting black shadows over
pale, gaunt, English faces. Stools to accomodate-Only to be emptied, Except for one, Before it was really over.
"Hurry! Let's get this finished!", Ran through all six heads.
One didn't budge, the other too busy with four crowded around.
It being over, the real lights came on. Along with the others I was obliged to leave my spot. Deaf in one ear, with an elated feeling, My friend and I left the building. Rain lending itself to a perfect night.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
POETRY, PRE-SECTIONS
I didn't bother doing any editing, so it's pretty much as it was typed.
*******************
*******************
SECTIONS
section 1:
march 29, 1994 to april 14, 1994
section 2:
april 23, 1994 to november 12, 1994
section 3:
december 4, 1994 to october 15, 1995
section 4:
october 27, 1995 to january 30, 1996
section 5:
february 16, 1996 to may 14, 1996
section 6:
january 8, 1997 to may 14, 1997
section 7:
august 7, 1997 to february 19, 1998
section 8:
dates unknown
************************
TABLE OF CONTENTS
section 1
1. your burial
2. please
3. anger
4. april 14, 1993
5. my hands
6. what I feel
7. who are they?
8. men's room
9. liar
10. the life of a single person
11. the clock
12. secret
13. you&i
14. stupid questions
15. one more moment
16. this or that
17. head weight
18. chain
19. transvestism
20. used
21. ways to die
22. I don't like it
23. kissing
24. difference of opinion
25. night
26. boredom
27. waiting
28. my womb
29. what happened?
30. i adore you
31. never
32. delirium
33. on the floor
34. discovery
35. the mirror
36. the song
37. a dream reality
38. no one
39. my mouth
40. a certain guy
41. sleepless
42. them
section 2
1. anniversary
2. blind date
3. maybe
4. afterhours
5. 11:31 am, friday morning
6. stains
7. childbirth
8. feeling
9. the body
10. floating
11. more
12. physically perfect
13. ideals
14. darling
15. nothing
16. you
17. one question pondered
18. lunchtime activity
19. wish you were here
20. something to tell you
21. hunger
22. funny
23. exchange through a crack
24. coming home
25. that anonymous window
26. senses
27. waking
28. fruitless hunt
29. a bottomless pit
30. tsunami
31. jazz band (on a tuesday morning)
32. suffer
section 3
1. ashamed
2. the lighter
3. cloudburst
4. lately
5. morning
6. I think
7. the call
8. my little place
9. response
10. never found out
11. torture
12. waiting
13. sorry
14. notice me
15. too short
16. tension
17. last night
18. silvery rings
19. what I don't want to turn into
20. around 3am
21. the kiss
22. voice
23 those dainty hands
24. book
25. staring at the finger
26. loser
27. there
28. barely any light
29. the reward
30. voyeur
31. cause and effect
32. sleep
33. library
34. tempted
35. your house
36. blur
37. to my favourite therapist
38. violin
39. doll
40. a conversation
41. I wish I knew
42. two couples
43. drunk
44. today
45. haiku1
46. h.2
47. sign
48. tease
49. cigarettes
50. hard to say
51. moment under the moon
52. fire
53. phase
54. his neck
55. pond
56. farewells
57. clumsy
58. short
section 4
1. closure
2. a vampire assistant and an hippy
3. doppleganger
4. she and he
5. pressure
6. i was once....
7. letter
8. in my mouth
9. sooner
10. every ex-boyfriend of mine
11. cliche
12. caught in the ACT
13. perception
14. the concert
15. jim
16. happy
17. fountain
18. refuse
19. repetition
20. 48 hours
21. confused
22. that person over there
23. contradiction
24. why is that?
25. again?
26. candle
27. "the experience"
28. this time
29. mess
30. none of that
31. second
32. long hair
33. railroad tracks
34. "goodbye"
35. on the couch
36. important
37. toenails
38. normal
39. i bought you a present
40. i shouldn't
41. i'm not
42. rain
section 5
1. Wrong!
2. carried away
3. problem
4. i don't want to see
5. acting pt 1, 11
6. revenge belief
7. body aches
8. disappointed
9. blindness
10. andrew
section 6
1. not enough
2. huh?
3. h.3
4. your mouth
5. h.4
6. h.5
7. h.6
8. nervous
9. by the piano
10. i want a kiss
11. the ex
12. me
13. h.7
section 7
1. bonded
2. h.8
3. what i want
4. h.9
5. h.10
6. can you imagine?
7. the fire
8. h.11
9. our meeting
10. h.12
11. why now?
12. personal ad
13. two advantages
14. Go Fuck Yourself!
15. h.13
16. h.14
17. chemistry
18. my weakness
19. inspiration
20. h.15
21. two friends
22. a wish
23. contrary to popular
24. telepathy
25. curse or not?
26. onstage
27. pillow
section 8
1. A Lesson I Should Have Learned in the Beginning
2. A Fleeting Thought
3. That Night
4. Friday
5. One, Two, Three...
6. Pas Tu
7. please
8. Why I Feel I Should Hate You
9. pit stop
10. first one or the start
11. class assignment
12. flower
13. the kiss
14. a photograph
**************************
I'm a prisoner to your love.
Nothing, but a cage here.
I can't get out, I've tried.
My passion for you is too great.
I've tried to escape, but you always put me back in place.
You've hurt me, tortured me, but your grip remains firm.
Will the grasp loosen?
Let me go.
---- March 9, 1992
**************
Lover, Let me touch your face.
Unclothe your body & turn on the lights.
I want to see you untamed & free.
I've never made love to a man.
Touch me.
Show me how it feels to be a woman.
Open up & let me inside.
Kiss my shoulders, kiss me anywhere.
Can I stare into your eyes,
Making you unable to see when the sun comes up?
Turn off the stereo
I only want to hear our breathing.
Twist my tongue around
So only you could solve my problem.
Confuse me when I'm lost in your arms.
---- July 6, 1992 (12:02 am)
section 1:
march 29, 1994 to april 14, 1994
section 2:
april 23, 1994 to november 12, 1994
section 3:
december 4, 1994 to october 15, 1995
section 4:
october 27, 1995 to january 30, 1996
section 5:
february 16, 1996 to may 14, 1996
section 6:
january 8, 1997 to may 14, 1997
section 7:
august 7, 1997 to february 19, 1998
section 8:
dates unknown
************************
TABLE OF CONTENTS
section 1
1. your burial
2. please
3. anger
4. april 14, 1993
5. my hands
6. what I feel
7. who are they?
8. men's room
9. liar
10. the life of a single person
11. the clock
12. secret
13. you&i
14. stupid questions
15. one more moment
16. this or that
17. head weight
18. chain
19. transvestism
20. used
21. ways to die
22. I don't like it
23. kissing
24. difference of opinion
25. night
26. boredom
27. waiting
28. my womb
29. what happened?
30. i adore you
31. never
32. delirium
33. on the floor
34. discovery
35. the mirror
36. the song
37. a dream reality
38. no one
39. my mouth
40. a certain guy
41. sleepless
42. them
section 2
1. anniversary
2. blind date
3. maybe
4. afterhours
5. 11:31 am, friday morning
6. stains
7. childbirth
8. feeling
9. the body
10. floating
11. more
12. physically perfect
13. ideals
14. darling
15. nothing
16. you
17. one question pondered
18. lunchtime activity
19. wish you were here
20. something to tell you
21. hunger
22. funny
23. exchange through a crack
24. coming home
25. that anonymous window
26. senses
27. waking
28. fruitless hunt
29. a bottomless pit
30. tsunami
31. jazz band (on a tuesday morning)
32. suffer
section 3
1. ashamed
2. the lighter
3. cloudburst
4. lately
5. morning
6. I think
7. the call
8. my little place
9. response
10. never found out
11. torture
12. waiting
13. sorry
14. notice me
15. too short
16. tension
17. last night
18. silvery rings
19. what I don't want to turn into
20. around 3am
21. the kiss
22. voice
23 those dainty hands
24. book
25. staring at the finger
26. loser
27. there
28. barely any light
29. the reward
30. voyeur
31. cause and effect
32. sleep
33. library
34. tempted
35. your house
36. blur
37. to my favourite therapist
38. violin
39. doll
40. a conversation
41. I wish I knew
42. two couples
43. drunk
44. today
45. haiku1
46. h.2
47. sign
48. tease
49. cigarettes
50. hard to say
51. moment under the moon
52. fire
53. phase
54. his neck
55. pond
56. farewells
57. clumsy
58. short
section 4
1. closure
2. a vampire assistant and an hippy
3. doppleganger
4. she and he
5. pressure
6. i was once....
7. letter
8. in my mouth
9. sooner
10. every ex-boyfriend of mine
11. cliche
12. caught in the ACT
13. perception
14. the concert
15. jim
16. happy
17. fountain
18. refuse
19. repetition
20. 48 hours
21. confused
22. that person over there
23. contradiction
24. why is that?
25. again?
26. candle
27. "the experience"
28. this time
29. mess
30. none of that
31. second
32. long hair
33. railroad tracks
34. "goodbye"
35. on the couch
36. important
37. toenails
38. normal
39. i bought you a present
40. i shouldn't
41. i'm not
42. rain
section 5
1. Wrong!
2. carried away
3. problem
4. i don't want to see
5. acting pt 1, 11
6. revenge belief
7. body aches
8. disappointed
9. blindness
10. andrew
section 6
1. not enough
2. huh?
3. h.3
4. your mouth
5. h.4
6. h.5
7. h.6
8. nervous
9. by the piano
10. i want a kiss
11. the ex
12. me
13. h.7
section 7
1. bonded
2. h.8
3. what i want
4. h.9
5. h.10
6. can you imagine?
7. the fire
8. h.11
9. our meeting
10. h.12
11. why now?
12. personal ad
13. two advantages
14. Go Fuck Yourself!
15. h.13
16. h.14
17. chemistry
18. my weakness
19. inspiration
20. h.15
21. two friends
22. a wish
23. contrary to popular
24. telepathy
25. curse or not?
26. onstage
27. pillow
section 8
1. A Lesson I Should Have Learned in the Beginning
2. A Fleeting Thought
3. That Night
4. Friday
5. One, Two, Three...
6. Pas Tu
7. please
8. Why I Feel I Should Hate You
9. pit stop
10. first one or the start
11. class assignment
12. flower
13. the kiss
14. a photograph
**************************
I'm a prisoner to your love.
Nothing, but a cage here.
I can't get out, I've tried.
My passion for you is too great.
I've tried to escape, but you always put me back in place.
You've hurt me, tortured me, but your grip remains firm.
Will the grasp loosen?
Let me go.
---- March 9, 1992
**************
Lover, Let me touch your face.
Unclothe your body & turn on the lights.
I want to see you untamed & free.
I've never made love to a man.
Touch me.
Show me how it feels to be a woman.
Open up & let me inside.
Kiss my shoulders, kiss me anywhere.
Can I stare into your eyes,
Making you unable to see when the sun comes up?
Turn off the stereo
I only want to hear our breathing.
Twist my tongue around
So only you could solve my problem.
Confuse me when I'm lost in your arms.
---- July 6, 1992 (12:02 am)
Monday, September 25, 2006
Chapter Six, Untitled
CHAPTER SIX
When Grant threw the door open, I jumped up and went over to him. He was standing there, when I wrapped my arms around him and started kissing him passionately. He stopped me, then closed the door.
We went over to the couch, where we were kissing and I stopped him, then took him by the hand over to the kitchen.
"An idea popped into my head this morning. I couldn't wait to try it out on you, as soon as you got here."
I let go of his hand and opened his shirt. He was wearing an undershirt and I took both off him, then turned away from him.
He undid the rest, while I opened the freezer and took out the tray of ice cubes. I slightly twisted the tray, until a few ice cubes were loose. I took one out, then leaned against the refrigerator. He was watching me, when I slightly sucked on the cube, until it started to melt.
I took it out, then ran the ice cube over his shoulders, while kissing his mouth and neck. I turned him around and was kissing his shoulders and ran the ice cube slowly down his stomache and was about to slide it down over his belly button, before he quickly stopped me.
I was still holding onto the ice cube, when he took it out of my hand. He tossed it in the sink, then took hold of my hand and dragged me back to the couch. He dressed himself, then took me by the hand and led me to the door.
Grant and I were sitting in a car afterwards. He parked it in front of the all night grocery store. I got out of the car and, looked at him, as we got out of his car.
"What are we doing here?"
"How did we meet?"
Pause.
"Oh."
"It was this day, five years ago, when we met. Then, a few nights later, we met again," he said.
Pause.
"At some friend of a friend's party."
"Yes."
We walked over to the front of the store, took a cart and walked in.
We met when I was twenty and he was twenty-four. I was visiting a friend and staying at her place. The both of us couldn't sleep and I felt like going to the grocery store nearby. I wanted some sourdough bread. I was standing in line, when Grant came into the same line. He set the separator down, then set the pepperoni package and shredded cheese down 0n the conveyor belt. He saw what I was purchasing, then looked at me.
We made a little eye contact, but I turned away and stood with my back to him.
It was my last night in town, when my friend dragged me to some couple's home.
My friend was close with the wife of the couple. We walked into the hallway with her, after arriving a little late and were ushered into he dining room. Six other people were already there. I looked over the other faces and stopped when I vaguely recognised Grant among them.
We didn't get a chance to talk, until after dinner. The wife introduced us to each other. I was forced to relax, when she left us alone together. He was, also, dragged along by a friend, because his friend was trying to make him forget about recently breaking up with his girlfriend. I, at that time, hadn't been involved for some time.
Grant and I spent a few hours talking about things. We had a lot of minor differences between us, but, after a while of a talking, we were very attracted to each other. I gave him my number and that was the beginning of it all.
Grant and I had been through so much and I was willing to give it all up. because it wasn't enough anymore. I was unfaithful for a reason. Picking one was the hard part. I mostly stuck with him, because breaking up would be a waste of all that effort put into the five years of togetherness we've shared. I thought I was enmeshed with him, but realized that wasn't the case. Soon, it will be over between us and we can both go on to others.
Grant left the next day and I was anxious to see Clark. I stood at the doorway, as Grant left. I was wearing a bedsheet, as he disappeared down the stairs.
Not long after, Clark came up the stairs. He saw me and waved hello. He came over, looked me over, not so subtly, then kissed me.
"I've got to tell you something," I said.
He looked at me.
"I've changed my mind. Help me end it between Grant and I, now," I added.
He moved closer and hugged me tightly.
"Those are the most beautiful words you ever said to me," he said.
I looked at him.
"Tonight, meet me at the studio," I said, trying to hold back my laughing.
He nodded.
"But, first, we've got business to attend to," he said.
He took me into the living room and closed the door.
After work, I went straight to the studio. As soon as he opened the door, he wrapped his arms around me. He took me inside, then closed the door behind us. We were kissing and undressing along the way to the couch.
We hadn't been kissing long, when he slid off his wedding band and flinged it on the ground.
The phone started ringing.
Clark looked at the phone and was staring at it, before he leaned over and picked it up.
"Hello?"
Pause.
"Hey, Clark. Is Olivia there?"
He looked at me.
"No."
Pause.
"Do you know where she could have gone?"
He sat up and had the phone to his ear.
"I don't know."
He looked away from me and looked out the window. I watched, as he scanned out the window. He was looking at something, when the phone dropped out of his hand.
I was curious what he was looking at and sat up.
Grant was leaning against his car, with the cellular next to his ear. I saw his mouth move, then turn off his phone and walk off.
Clark and I had quickly dressed, when Grant started pounding on the door.
"Let me in!"
Clark and I looked at each other. He went and answered the door, taking in a deep breath, before opening it. Grant was standing there, obviously upset. He saw me, but turned to Clark and grabbed him.
"I knew something was going on, because last right it all clicked. I didn't know if I could trust my instinct, so I followed you here. Imagine my surprise, when I see my girlfriend drive up to he sidewalk."
I didn't say anything.
"Not only that, but what about Miranda?"
"There is no Miranda."
He let go of Clark and looked at his hands.
He wasn't wearing his ring.
"I've been divorced for four years."
Grant looked at Clark.
"Olivia is mine," Clark said.
Pause.
Grant looked at me.
"Sorry," I mouthed.
Grant turned away and ran his hand through his hair.
Long pause.
"Don't be sorry. I'm the one that's sorry," Grant said, then walked off, and out of the door.
Clark turned and looked at me.
I didn't say or do anything.
Clark closed the door, then walked back over to me.
I looked at him and handed back his wedding band. He smiled at me, then turned away and walked over to the bathroom.
Clark looked at me and motioned me over.
I stepped into the bathroom and stood in the doorway. He flipped up the toilet seat, then turned to me and grabbed me, so I was standing next to him. He kissed the ring, tossed it in the bowl, then flushed the toilet. We watched it disappear. He dropped the seat back, then he licked his mouth and started kissing me.
When Grant threw the door open, I jumped up and went over to him. He was standing there, when I wrapped my arms around him and started kissing him passionately. He stopped me, then closed the door.
We went over to the couch, where we were kissing and I stopped him, then took him by the hand over to the kitchen.
"An idea popped into my head this morning. I couldn't wait to try it out on you, as soon as you got here."
I let go of his hand and opened his shirt. He was wearing an undershirt and I took both off him, then turned away from him.
He undid the rest, while I opened the freezer and took out the tray of ice cubes. I slightly twisted the tray, until a few ice cubes were loose. I took one out, then leaned against the refrigerator. He was watching me, when I slightly sucked on the cube, until it started to melt.
I took it out, then ran the ice cube over his shoulders, while kissing his mouth and neck. I turned him around and was kissing his shoulders and ran the ice cube slowly down his stomache and was about to slide it down over his belly button, before he quickly stopped me.
I was still holding onto the ice cube, when he took it out of my hand. He tossed it in the sink, then took hold of my hand and dragged me back to the couch. He dressed himself, then took me by the hand and led me to the door.
Grant and I were sitting in a car afterwards. He parked it in front of the all night grocery store. I got out of the car and, looked at him, as we got out of his car.
"What are we doing here?"
"How did we meet?"
Pause.
"Oh."
"It was this day, five years ago, when we met. Then, a few nights later, we met again," he said.
Pause.
"At some friend of a friend's party."
"Yes."
We walked over to the front of the store, took a cart and walked in.
We met when I was twenty and he was twenty-four. I was visiting a friend and staying at her place. The both of us couldn't sleep and I felt like going to the grocery store nearby. I wanted some sourdough bread. I was standing in line, when Grant came into the same line. He set the separator down, then set the pepperoni package and shredded cheese down 0n the conveyor belt. He saw what I was purchasing, then looked at me.
We made a little eye contact, but I turned away and stood with my back to him.
It was my last night in town, when my friend dragged me to some couple's home.
My friend was close with the wife of the couple. We walked into the hallway with her, after arriving a little late and were ushered into he dining room. Six other people were already there. I looked over the other faces and stopped when I vaguely recognised Grant among them.
We didn't get a chance to talk, until after dinner. The wife introduced us to each other. I was forced to relax, when she left us alone together. He was, also, dragged along by a friend, because his friend was trying to make him forget about recently breaking up with his girlfriend. I, at that time, hadn't been involved for some time.
Grant and I spent a few hours talking about things. We had a lot of minor differences between us, but, after a while of a talking, we were very attracted to each other. I gave him my number and that was the beginning of it all.
Grant and I had been through so much and I was willing to give it all up. because it wasn't enough anymore. I was unfaithful for a reason. Picking one was the hard part. I mostly stuck with him, because breaking up would be a waste of all that effort put into the five years of togetherness we've shared. I thought I was enmeshed with him, but realized that wasn't the case. Soon, it will be over between us and we can both go on to others.
Grant left the next day and I was anxious to see Clark. I stood at the doorway, as Grant left. I was wearing a bedsheet, as he disappeared down the stairs.
Not long after, Clark came up the stairs. He saw me and waved hello. He came over, looked me over, not so subtly, then kissed me.
"I've got to tell you something," I said.
He looked at me.
"I've changed my mind. Help me end it between Grant and I, now," I added.
He moved closer and hugged me tightly.
"Those are the most beautiful words you ever said to me," he said.
I looked at him.
"Tonight, meet me at the studio," I said, trying to hold back my laughing.
He nodded.
"But, first, we've got business to attend to," he said.
He took me into the living room and closed the door.
After work, I went straight to the studio. As soon as he opened the door, he wrapped his arms around me. He took me inside, then closed the door behind us. We were kissing and undressing along the way to the couch.
We hadn't been kissing long, when he slid off his wedding band and flinged it on the ground.
The phone started ringing.
Clark looked at the phone and was staring at it, before he leaned over and picked it up.
"Hello?"
Pause.
"Hey, Clark. Is Olivia there?"
He looked at me.
"No."
Pause.
"Do you know where she could have gone?"
He sat up and had the phone to his ear.
"I don't know."
He looked away from me and looked out the window. I watched, as he scanned out the window. He was looking at something, when the phone dropped out of his hand.
I was curious what he was looking at and sat up.
Grant was leaning against his car, with the cellular next to his ear. I saw his mouth move, then turn off his phone and walk off.
Clark and I had quickly dressed, when Grant started pounding on the door.
"Let me in!"
Clark and I looked at each other. He went and answered the door, taking in a deep breath, before opening it. Grant was standing there, obviously upset. He saw me, but turned to Clark and grabbed him.
"I knew something was going on, because last right it all clicked. I didn't know if I could trust my instinct, so I followed you here. Imagine my surprise, when I see my girlfriend drive up to he sidewalk."
I didn't say anything.
"Not only that, but what about Miranda?"
"There is no Miranda."
He let go of Clark and looked at his hands.
He wasn't wearing his ring.
"I've been divorced for four years."
Grant looked at Clark.
"Olivia is mine," Clark said.
Pause.
Grant looked at me.
"Sorry," I mouthed.
Grant turned away and ran his hand through his hair.
Long pause.
"Don't be sorry. I'm the one that's sorry," Grant said, then walked off, and out of the door.
Clark turned and looked at me.
I didn't say or do anything.
Clark closed the door, then walked back over to me.
I looked at him and handed back his wedding band. He smiled at me, then turned away and walked over to the bathroom.
Clark looked at me and motioned me over.
I stepped into the bathroom and stood in the doorway. He flipped up the toilet seat, then turned to me and grabbed me, so I was standing next to him. He kissed the ring, tossed it in the bowl, then flushed the toilet. We watched it disappear. He dropped the seat back, then he licked his mouth and started kissing me.
Chapter Five, Untitled
CHAPTER FIVE
Clark was lying on the floor with me in the studio. A couple of the windows were open. The sun was still in the sky and it was streaming in one of the closed windows. He had one arm around my waist, while he smoked. Both of us were still wearing our work clothes, minus his tie and our shoes and socks. His ashtray was near us. He moved onto his side, then put his cigarette out. After blowing smoke out, he licked his lips and kissed my mouth, then stopped and looked at me. I felt one of his hands moving down the front of my shirt. He yanked my shirt out of my skirt. His hand moved down to my belt, which he unhooked. My skirt was next in line. The button and zipper was undone and he put his hand inside my skirt. It slid inside my underwear. His fingers ran over the skin, then through the hair, until it found an entry way.
"I need you," he whispered.
He took his hand out after a while, then kissed my mouth and got on top of me. He stopped kissing me, when he lifted up my shirt and started kissing his way downward. He pulled my skirt and underwear off, when he ran his tongue over my belly button. He got off me and we both sat up.
I helped unbutton his shirt, by pulling it out of his slacks. He undid his belt and took it off. He unhooked his khakis and undid the zipper. He yanked off his pants, then took off his shirt.
Clark dropped his boxers, licked his lips, then kissed my mouth again. He took one of my hands and took me off the ground onto the couch. He pushed me onto the couch. then kneeled down in front of me. I looked at him and put my right foot on his shoulder . He put his and on my outer ankle and kissed my inner ankle. He picked up my foot and started a trail of kisses up my inner leg. He got to the area above the side of my knee and wrapped my leg around his neck. I looked at him smiling, and ran my hand through his short hair. I watched, as he stuck out his tongue and leaned a little forward, licking the line between my thigh and crotch. He ran his slippery tongue up that line and looked at me. The look in my eyes said it all. Clark was still watching me, as he moved his head to his right.
I closed my eyes and grabbed onto his head, while angling my body. The back of my hand hit the big window behind the couch.
I was bending over with my hands palm down and my face breathing warm air against the table. His hands were on my side and he was behind me. Both of us were finished, when I lifted my head and gave a long, drawn out sigh and he rested his head on my back. He pulled out and kissed my bare back, then separated from me. He picked up his boxers and put them on, then picked up his boxers and put them on, then picked up his cigarettes and matches. He took a cigarette out, lit it up, dropped those both on the pile of clothes, the went over to the couch and sat down.
I straightened up, then turned to him. I leaned down and picked up his shirt and put it on. I buttoned the top three buttons.
I was sitting sideways, facing him, and he reached over and put my legs over his. He sat and smoked, as he rested one hand on my nearest thigh. Clark pulled the cigarette from his mouth and blew out the smoke.
"Be completely honest. Are you satisfied?"
I shook my head.
"Good. I'm not the only one."
He traced my lips with his fingers and leaned closer. was looking me in the eyes before he stuck his tongue out and pried apart my mouth. He stopped me and got off the couch. He moved over to the phone and dialed up a number. Clark stood there, smoking, and waiting. I watched, as he culled the cigarette from his mouth.
"Grant, I just called to tell you I'm almost finished with the painting. I convinced 0livia that it would be a good idea to finish it tonight," he said.
Pause.
"I think three more hours would do the trick," he continued.
Long pause.
"Sorry about your plans," he continued. He took a drag off his cigarette and looked at me.
"Don't worry. She's in good hands," he continued.
Pause.
"Ok, Grant. Bye."
He nodded. then hung up the phone.
"That's solved."
He walked over to the ashtray, took a really long drag and put it out. Clark stood there and pulled off his boxers, then came back to the couch and sat down. He grabbed me and sat me on his lap, facing him, then started kissing my neck. He unbuttoned the shirt I was wearing. After undoing the three buttons, he slid the shirt off me and flung it on the ground near the heap.
I found myself looking out the window. We were on the fourth floor, but still close enough people passing on the street could see us. I looked out onto Downtown. Everyone walking by kept their heads straight ahead. They all had destinations leading them to where they had to be. Some of them would never knew it could change, only if they moved their heads around and looked in a different direction.
I arrived home and Grant was sitting on the couch watching television. He saw me and smiled, when I walked in and closed the door behind myself. My body was still on fire, after the many times Clark screwed my brains out, but I still wasn't satisfied and wanted to keep going.
I smiled back at Grant and stepped over to him. The remote was in his hand, which I took it out of his hand and turned off the television. I walked over to the television and set it on top, then came back over and sat on his lap,
"Hello," he said.
"Hi. I could't wait to get home."
I grabbed onto his shirt, then started kissing him. He broke away with the smile still on his face.
"We're a little aggressive tonight."
We were looking at each other, when I undid my hair.
"What's wrong with you?", he added.
I shrugged.
"You don't like it?"
"Oh, God, yes, I do.
"--We don't have time to talk. I need you now, before the moment is gone."
"Yes, bu--."
I cut him off again and resumed kissing him, while my hands greedily unbuttoned his shirt. I assume he had the opportinity to change into casual clothes, before I got home, since he wasn't wearing an undershirt.
The shirt was unbuttoned and yanked out of his pants, when I kissed my way downward. My mouth and tongue got to the area above his belly button, when he undid his belt. I looked at him and was gauging his reaction, when his hand reached for his fly. He undid the button, then unzipped his pants. He was quite excited and it was completely obvious when he almost hit my jaw with his knee, while pulling his pants and underwear to his ankles. Then again, he's usually attacking me, when 1 walk in the door.
I watched him, as I started unbuttoning my shirt. The torture and anxiousness was obvious on his face. My shirt was fully unbuttoned, when I slid it off my shoulders. He smiled at me, ran one of his hands over my face, then rubbed his thumb over my mouth. I playfully sucked on his thumb, until he took it out.
I decided to see how far he'd let me get with torturing him. I got up, casually dropped my skirt and underwear, then nonchalantly walked over to the kitchen. I gave him a slight glance over my shoulder. He was standing in front of the couch, watching me. I went over to the refrigerator and opened it, then took out the little Coke bottle and unscrewed the top. I was drinking, when he came up behind me and started kissing my neck. He took the bottle out of my hand and set it on the counter behind us. He closed the refrigerator door, then took my hand and dragged me to the bedroom.
We were standing in the doorway when I walked in and moved near the bed, while he closed the door. The both off us were standing there, watching each other, when Grant came over and sat down on the bed. I kissed him, then went down on my knees.
It took me forever to finally become satisfied. Grant looked completely worn out, after we were finished. He was lying on his back, when he looked at the clock. I was on top of him, when I looked at him, then the clock. It was 2am.
I got off him and brushed the strands of hair away that were streaming across my face. I wrapped my arms around Grant, then looked at him again. He lifted up his arm and turned off the table lamp, then kissed me.
"Grant?"
He put his forefinger over my mouth.
"Go to sleep."
I didn't say anything and snuggled up to him, looking at him.
He was staring up at the ceiling.
I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep. I could feel him looking at me, before he gently undid my arms and got out of bed.
He picked up his clothes and opened the bedroom door.
I didn't move, and, after a while, heard the front door open and close.
He was going somewhere.
Wherever he was going, I forced myself to drift off to sleep.
I woke up and Grant was in bed next to me. He had his arms around me. It was almost six in the morning, when I undid his arms and started kissing him all over.
He woke up and saw me. I was kissing the area above his belly button and my hands were running across his chest. He took a hold of my arm and yanked me up. He started kissing my neck, then got me to go on my back. I watched, as he climbed on top and spread my legs.
I closed my eyes, as he started kissing my mouth.
Grant was exiting the door, while I stood nearby wearing a bedsheet. He wrapped his arms around me, then kissed my mouth.
"Tonight?"
I nodded.
He kissed me again, then left the doorway. I watched him, as he left the hallway and started down the stairs.
A few seconds passed, before he disappeared down the stairs. Not long after, Clark came into view on the stairs, smoking his cigarette and chuckling to himself. He saw me and sprinted over. He looked me over, then pulled the cigarette from his mouth and kissed me hello.
"What did you to do to him? He knocked on my door last night. I opened it and he shook my hand and thanked me. He said, because I made you wait longer to see him--He said you gave him the best sex he could ever imagine. He was so grateful that he was practically ready to get on his knees and kiss my feet. I've never seen anyone so happy."
I smiled.
"I think I'll detain you again tonight. I'm sure he wouldn't mind," he added.
Pause.
"You know what. I want to spend all night with Grant tonight. Today's our five year anniversary. He said he wanted to surprise me tonight."
Pause.
"Yes, OK," he said, then frowned.
I looked around the hallway, then rubbed my thumb over his mouth.
He kissed my finger.
We were looking at each other for some time, before either of us said anything.
"I want to show you something," he said.
We stepped inside and closed the door.
All day what Clark did to me kept a mysterious smile on my face. Everytime I caught my boss staring at me, she would arch her eyebrow at me. She knew something was going on, but I spared her the details.
Clark was lying on the floor with me in the studio. A couple of the windows were open. The sun was still in the sky and it was streaming in one of the closed windows. He had one arm around my waist, while he smoked. Both of us were still wearing our work clothes, minus his tie and our shoes and socks. His ashtray was near us. He moved onto his side, then put his cigarette out. After blowing smoke out, he licked his lips and kissed my mouth, then stopped and looked at me. I felt one of his hands moving down the front of my shirt. He yanked my shirt out of my skirt. His hand moved down to my belt, which he unhooked. My skirt was next in line. The button and zipper was undone and he put his hand inside my skirt. It slid inside my underwear. His fingers ran over the skin, then through the hair, until it found an entry way.
"I need you," he whispered.
He took his hand out after a while, then kissed my mouth and got on top of me. He stopped kissing me, when he lifted up my shirt and started kissing his way downward. He pulled my skirt and underwear off, when he ran his tongue over my belly button. He got off me and we both sat up.
I helped unbutton his shirt, by pulling it out of his slacks. He undid his belt and took it off. He unhooked his khakis and undid the zipper. He yanked off his pants, then took off his shirt.
Clark dropped his boxers, licked his lips, then kissed my mouth again. He took one of my hands and took me off the ground onto the couch. He pushed me onto the couch. then kneeled down in front of me. I looked at him and put my right foot on his shoulder . He put his and on my outer ankle and kissed my inner ankle. He picked up my foot and started a trail of kisses up my inner leg. He got to the area above the side of my knee and wrapped my leg around his neck. I looked at him smiling, and ran my hand through his short hair. I watched, as he stuck out his tongue and leaned a little forward, licking the line between my thigh and crotch. He ran his slippery tongue up that line and looked at me. The look in my eyes said it all. Clark was still watching me, as he moved his head to his right.
I closed my eyes and grabbed onto his head, while angling my body. The back of my hand hit the big window behind the couch.
I was bending over with my hands palm down and my face breathing warm air against the table. His hands were on my side and he was behind me. Both of us were finished, when I lifted my head and gave a long, drawn out sigh and he rested his head on my back. He pulled out and kissed my bare back, then separated from me. He picked up his boxers and put them on, then picked up his boxers and put them on, then picked up his cigarettes and matches. He took a cigarette out, lit it up, dropped those both on the pile of clothes, the went over to the couch and sat down.
I straightened up, then turned to him. I leaned down and picked up his shirt and put it on. I buttoned the top three buttons.
I was sitting sideways, facing him, and he reached over and put my legs over his. He sat and smoked, as he rested one hand on my nearest thigh. Clark pulled the cigarette from his mouth and blew out the smoke.
"Be completely honest. Are you satisfied?"
I shook my head.
"Good. I'm not the only one."
He traced my lips with his fingers and leaned closer. was looking me in the eyes before he stuck his tongue out and pried apart my mouth. He stopped me and got off the couch. He moved over to the phone and dialed up a number. Clark stood there, smoking, and waiting. I watched, as he culled the cigarette from his mouth.
"Grant, I just called to tell you I'm almost finished with the painting. I convinced 0livia that it would be a good idea to finish it tonight," he said.
Pause.
"I think three more hours would do the trick," he continued.
Long pause.
"Sorry about your plans," he continued. He took a drag off his cigarette and looked at me.
"Don't worry. She's in good hands," he continued.
Pause.
"Ok, Grant. Bye."
He nodded. then hung up the phone.
"That's solved."
He walked over to the ashtray, took a really long drag and put it out. Clark stood there and pulled off his boxers, then came back to the couch and sat down. He grabbed me and sat me on his lap, facing him, then started kissing my neck. He unbuttoned the shirt I was wearing. After undoing the three buttons, he slid the shirt off me and flung it on the ground near the heap.
I found myself looking out the window. We were on the fourth floor, but still close enough people passing on the street could see us. I looked out onto Downtown. Everyone walking by kept their heads straight ahead. They all had destinations leading them to where they had to be. Some of them would never knew it could change, only if they moved their heads around and looked in a different direction.
I arrived home and Grant was sitting on the couch watching television. He saw me and smiled, when I walked in and closed the door behind myself. My body was still on fire, after the many times Clark screwed my brains out, but I still wasn't satisfied and wanted to keep going.
I smiled back at Grant and stepped over to him. The remote was in his hand, which I took it out of his hand and turned off the television. I walked over to the television and set it on top, then came back over and sat on his lap,
"Hello," he said.
"Hi. I could't wait to get home."
I grabbed onto his shirt, then started kissing him. He broke away with the smile still on his face.
"We're a little aggressive tonight."
We were looking at each other, when I undid my hair.
"What's wrong with you?", he added.
I shrugged.
"You don't like it?"
"Oh, God, yes, I do.
"--We don't have time to talk. I need you now, before the moment is gone."
"Yes, bu--."
I cut him off again and resumed kissing him, while my hands greedily unbuttoned his shirt. I assume he had the opportinity to change into casual clothes, before I got home, since he wasn't wearing an undershirt.
The shirt was unbuttoned and yanked out of his pants, when I kissed my way downward. My mouth and tongue got to the area above his belly button, when he undid his belt. I looked at him and was gauging his reaction, when his hand reached for his fly. He undid the button, then unzipped his pants. He was quite excited and it was completely obvious when he almost hit my jaw with his knee, while pulling his pants and underwear to his ankles. Then again, he's usually attacking me, when 1 walk in the door.
I watched him, as I started unbuttoning my shirt. The torture and anxiousness was obvious on his face. My shirt was fully unbuttoned, when I slid it off my shoulders. He smiled at me, ran one of his hands over my face, then rubbed his thumb over my mouth. I playfully sucked on his thumb, until he took it out.
I decided to see how far he'd let me get with torturing him. I got up, casually dropped my skirt and underwear, then nonchalantly walked over to the kitchen. I gave him a slight glance over my shoulder. He was standing in front of the couch, watching me. I went over to the refrigerator and opened it, then took out the little Coke bottle and unscrewed the top. I was drinking, when he came up behind me and started kissing my neck. He took the bottle out of my hand and set it on the counter behind us. He closed the refrigerator door, then took my hand and dragged me to the bedroom.
We were standing in the doorway when I walked in and moved near the bed, while he closed the door. The both off us were standing there, watching each other, when Grant came over and sat down on the bed. I kissed him, then went down on my knees.
It took me forever to finally become satisfied. Grant looked completely worn out, after we were finished. He was lying on his back, when he looked at the clock. I was on top of him, when I looked at him, then the clock. It was 2am.
I got off him and brushed the strands of hair away that were streaming across my face. I wrapped my arms around Grant, then looked at him again. He lifted up his arm and turned off the table lamp, then kissed me.
"Grant?"
He put his forefinger over my mouth.
"Go to sleep."
I didn't say anything and snuggled up to him, looking at him.
He was staring up at the ceiling.
I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep. I could feel him looking at me, before he gently undid my arms and got out of bed.
He picked up his clothes and opened the bedroom door.
I didn't move, and, after a while, heard the front door open and close.
He was going somewhere.
Wherever he was going, I forced myself to drift off to sleep.
I woke up and Grant was in bed next to me. He had his arms around me. It was almost six in the morning, when I undid his arms and started kissing him all over.
He woke up and saw me. I was kissing the area above his belly button and my hands were running across his chest. He took a hold of my arm and yanked me up. He started kissing my neck, then got me to go on my back. I watched, as he climbed on top and spread my legs.
I closed my eyes, as he started kissing my mouth.
Grant was exiting the door, while I stood nearby wearing a bedsheet. He wrapped his arms around me, then kissed my mouth.
"Tonight?"
I nodded.
He kissed me again, then left the doorway. I watched him, as he left the hallway and started down the stairs.
A few seconds passed, before he disappeared down the stairs. Not long after, Clark came into view on the stairs, smoking his cigarette and chuckling to himself. He saw me and sprinted over. He looked me over, then pulled the cigarette from his mouth and kissed me hello.
"What did you to do to him? He knocked on my door last night. I opened it and he shook my hand and thanked me. He said, because I made you wait longer to see him--He said you gave him the best sex he could ever imagine. He was so grateful that he was practically ready to get on his knees and kiss my feet. I've never seen anyone so happy."
I smiled.
"I think I'll detain you again tonight. I'm sure he wouldn't mind," he added.
Pause.
"You know what. I want to spend all night with Grant tonight. Today's our five year anniversary. He said he wanted to surprise me tonight."
Pause.
"Yes, OK," he said, then frowned.
I looked around the hallway, then rubbed my thumb over his mouth.
He kissed my finger.
We were looking at each other for some time, before either of us said anything.
"I want to show you something," he said.
We stepped inside and closed the door.
All day what Clark did to me kept a mysterious smile on my face. Everytime I caught my boss staring at me, she would arch her eyebrow at me. She knew something was going on, but I spared her the details.
Chapter Four, Untitled
CHAPTER FOUR
Clark left the studio after I did and went straight home. He didn't bother turning on the light. He just lied there on the couch and continued smoking, keeping the ashtray near himself.
After Grant finally fell asleep, I snuck out of bed, wrapped myself in the thin sheet and opened the front door. I looked around to make sure none of the neighbors were up at this hour and wandering the halls, then gently closed my door and stood in front of Clark's. I softly knocked on his door, until he opened it. He had a cigarette dangling from his mouth and he looked a little surprised to see me. I pulled the cigarette from his mouth, put my hand on the side of his face, pulled it closer to myself and kissed his mouth. I broke away and blew out the smoke. I kissed him again, until he had his arms around me and was holding me really tight. I broke away again, as he tightened his grip.
"What changed your mind?"
"Miranda."
He looked at me and let go.
I walked over to my door and wrapped my hand around the doorknob.
"Was she with the other guy?"
I nodded.
"Did she see you?"
I shook my head.
He left the doorway, walked over and smoothed back my hair.
"Better go. Who knows what he would do, if he woke up and you weren't beside him?"
I looked at him.
"Sorry that you had to hear that."
"Don't apologize. You'll be doing the same thing to me soon."
I covered my mouth and laughed.
"I'll see you later," he added.
I smiled and nodded.
"Oh, and, you better be dressed for breakfast," he added.
I laughed again, then opened the door.
Grant woke me up before he had to leave for work. He was on top of me and his tongue was in my mouth. Below the sheets, my legs were wide open, as he was angling his body. Grant noticed I was awake, when I opened my eyes and clinched my legs.
"Good morning," he said softly.
He dropped his head on the pillow and gave a muffled groan. One of my nails went from my side to his back. I bit my lip and closed my eyes, as Grant started moving faster. Both of his hands left my body and placed themselves palm down on the pillow above my head. He had a head start, so naturally he finished before I was ever close.
After he was finished, he kissed my mouth and rolled off me before I could say anything. Grant got out of bed and started picking up his clothes. He had his back to me, as he walked into the bathroom. I just lied there, unsatisfied and completely pissed off.
When he came out of the bathroom, shaved and dressed, I was lying stomach down on the bed. He saw me and sat down next to me. I rolled over onto my side and looked at him. He leaned down and kissed cheek again.
"I've got to go now, but I'll call you at work," he said.
Pause.
He winked at me and got off the bed, then left my bedroom. I heard him close the front door after a few seconds. I sat up and wrapped the thin sheet around myself and went to the bathroom.
After turning on the shower, I was about to drop the blanket, when there was a knocking on the front door. When I opened the front door, Clark was standing there, holding a big brown paper lunch bag, smoking.
Clark looked at me, then pulled the cigarette from his mouth, leaned forward and kissed my mouth.
We stood there for a few seconds, as his arms wrapped around me. I could feel his hands rubbing my butt over the sheet. I stopped him and looked around the hallway.
"Relax. Grant passed by already," he said.
"That's not what I'm worried about."
"No? What then?"
"Our neighbors. They talk, you know?"
He laughed.
"No, they don't."
Before I could say anything, he licked his mouth and kissed my lips again. We kissed for a few seconds, then he broke away from me.
"Hear anyone talking?"
I shook my head.
"See," he said.
I looked at him and smiled.
He dragged me into the living room, closing the door behind us. He put the brown paper bag on the coffee table, then sat on the couch, pulling me down with him. He leaned forward and put out his cigarette. We were kissing for a while, until I remembered the shower was still on. I broke away from him, got off the couch and went back to the bathroom.
I originally was going to turn off the water and go back to Clark, but I left the the bathroom door slightly open and took the sheet off. I dropped it on the floor and stepped into the bathtub, then pulled the curtain back.
I was running my hands through my hair, as the water was hitting me. My eyes opened, when I heard a little movement outside of the curtain and the toilet seat smack against the septic tank.
"Hope you don't mind. I couldn't hold it in."
"Are you sitting or standing?"
"Standing."
"OK, fine."
I relaxed. when he flushed the toilet and turned on the water faucet.
"Did you put the seat down?"
He turned off the faucet.
"Want to check for yourself?"
Before I could say anything, he pulled the curtain halfway back. I had my hands on the tile and had my head face down. I lifted up my head and found myself look at him, then at the toilet seat, which he put back down, then grabbed the curtain and pulled it back to the way it was.
"Next time, warn me when you're going to do that."
I turned to the shower caddy and took the shampoo. I opened it and applied a little to my hair, then lathered up my hair.
"Yum. Strawberries," he added.
"Are you still standing there?"
Pause.
"No.".
I laughed, while rinsing out the shampoo.
"Go make yourself useful. Pick out the clothes I'm going to wear or something."
"Ok."
I was finally finished rinsing out my hair, when I reached out and grabbed for the towel. I wiped my face and opened my eyes, then wrapped the towel around myself and got the other towel hanging there and wrapped my hair in it, before walking into my bedroom.
Clark was standing in front of my bed, facing it and looking at his two choices. Two things were laid out. One was a dark red knee-length dress and the matching knit sweater, while the other was my fitted suit with a long sleeve red shirt. Obviously, Clark likes red. He picked up the dress and handed it to me. I never wore the dress to work before, but I decided to try it out. Then, he sheepishly took the panty (red, of course) he had stolen from one of the drawers and stashed in his pocket and handed it over to me.
I took the clothes and went back into the bathroom to put it on.
I came back out wearing everything. Clark was sitting on the bed, smoking a cigarette, when he saw me. He quickly looked at his watch, then got up and went to the living room.
I followed him and was nearby, when he leaned down to the table and picked up the brown paper bag. He sat on the couch and put out his cigarette, then took out the two plastic containers, setting them on the table. He opened one container.
Inside was packed with a hash brown, sausage links and scrambled eggs.
He opened the other one.
It had just about the same thing, except, instead of scrambled eggs, there were pancakes.
"Which one do you want?"
"Pancakes."
"I thought so."
He pushed the pancakes my way, then took out the napkins and elastic utensils from the bag. He picked up the bag and dumped the extra on the table. I took the little jam packets and tore them open, then smeared them on the pancake.
We were finished eating, when he looked at his watch again. He got up and went into the bathroom.
I followed him there to see him look at the toothbrushes.
He picked between the two, turned on the faucet, wetted the toothbrush. then picked up the toothpaste, dabbed a little on and started brushing his teeth.
I came up to the sink, took the other toothbrush and did the same.
Both of us were brushing our teeth, when he looked at me and pulled the toothbrush out of his mouth. He looked at the toothbrush, then spit out the toothpaste, before turning the faucet back on and rinsing out his mouth.
"I used his toothbrush, didn't I?"
I nodded.
"That's not good, It's not in the plan."
He turned to the towel and wiped his mouth. I finished brushing my teeth and rinsed my mouth. He came up to me and gently wiped my mouth.
"Thank you, daddy," I joked.
"OK, now. I'm not that much older than you."
"But, you are older."
Pause.
"Better behave yourself. You know what I'm capable of doing."
"What are you going to do? Take me over your lap and spank me?"
A smile slowly spread over his face.
"Don't tempt me."
We were looking at each other, when I leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, then turned away.
"I've got to kick you out now, so I can go to work."
"Ok."
I looked at him.
"Want to meet at the studio?"
"Yes, OK," he said.
After work, I arrived at the studio and he opened the door. He was about to kiss my cheek, when I hurried over to the screen and started changing into the other clothes.
When I came from behind the screen, he was sitting on the couch, having a cigarette, when I walked over and sat down by him. He saw me and put his hand on my knee.
I looked at it and smiled.
"That's the best you can do?"
Clark got off the couch and went over to the ashtray, which was still on the table. He had his back to me, when I got off the couch and went over to the refrigerator. I was thirsty and opened it. Every drink alcoholic and non-alcoholic known to man was in there. Captain Morgan, Tequila, Corona, Coke, Pepsi, Sprite, every kind of bottled water, Jones soda, Arizona, etc. Clark wasn't kidding about it being well-stocked. There was barely any room for food. The only non-drink in there was a canister of instant whipped cream, which took up a small place on the bottom shelf squeezed between beer and wine coolers.
I was in the middle of deciding between a Cherry Coke and something that remotely resembled a fruit smoothie in a pitcher, when Clark surprised me by putting his arms around me. I ignored him, as I took out the cherry coke and unscrewed the top. I drank a tiny bit as he unzipped my dress and touched my back.
I closed the refrigerator door and walked back to the couch, then sat down. I leaned back, when he came over to me and knelt down in front of me. We were looking at each other, when he looked down and pulled up my dress, then put his hand on my thigh. I looked down and noticed he was still wearing his wedding band.
He took his hand off my thigh and ran it across my face. I put my hand over his and ran my finger over his ring, then took my hand off. He must have forgotten that he was still wearing it, when he took his hand off my face and looked at his hand. He took his ring off and set it down on the floor, then brushed my face again. He looked down and lifted up the dress a little higher and bent down. Clark was watching me, when he put his hand on the back of my knee and kissed my knee. I casually lifted up one side of my dress a little higher, which egged him on. He kissed the area above my knee, still looking. I leaned forward and kissed his forehead. He lifted up his head, licked his mouth and started kissing my lips.
We ended up kissing for quite some time. He was on top of me when the phone started ringing. He stopped kissing my mouth and looked at the phone. After catching his breath, he let go and picked up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey. Is 0livia there?"
"Yeah, hold on. Let me get her."
He looked at me and got up, then handed me the phone.
"Hello?", I said, after putting it to my ear.
"I miss you. Come home."
I looked at Clark, who was looking at me.
"Grant, I'll be home soon. I was right about to change."
Pause.
"All right. Don't take too long. Bye," he said.
I was still looking at Clark.
Bye, Grant."
Clark was about to reach for the phone, but I immediately slammed the phone down, then sat up. Clark watched me, as I got off the couch and went behind the screen, then started unzipping my dress. I had my dress completely unzipped, when I called out to him.
"Clark, I told him that we'll finish the painting at the end of the week. Couldn't you let him savor this final week with me, before we drop the bomb?"
Pause.
Clark peeked his head around the screen and smiled at me.
I smiled at him.
"Thank you."
He moved closer to me and kissed my cheek.
"By the way, it's almost finished. Sometimes, it comes home with me and I work on it over there."
He kissed me again, then left me alone to change.
I arrived home and Grant was on his cellular phone. He was sitting on the couch, nodding his head and laughing.
"Yeah, hold on. She's here," he said.
I was standing next to Grant, when he leaned up and kissed my cheek.
"Do you want to talk to her?"
Pause.
He held the phone up to my ear.
"Hello?"
"Hi. The ring's back on."
Pause.
"That's nice," I said.
"He doesn't even know what's going to hit him."
"I can't talk right now. Bye," I said, before pushing the phone back towards Grant.
He put it back to his ear.
"Yeah, I'm back."
Pause.
"No, I don't know."
I sat down.
Grant, after some time, turned off the phone. He set it on the table, then wrapped an arm around my waist and leaned againt me.
"What did he want?", I said.
"Oh, I called him up. because I was worried about you."
Pause.
"He invited us out for drinks tonight. Want to go?", he added.
Pause.
I nodded.
"Call him up and tell him we'll meet him there," I said.
"Alright.
Grant and I arrived at the bar. We were standing at the bar. We were standing in the doorway, when I immediately spotted him at a small table sketching on a napkin. I grabbed onto Grant's jacket and dragged him over to Clark.
When we were standing in front of him, he looked up and smiled at us. Grant took a chair from a nearby table and sat on it, while I took the unvacated one. All three of us were sitting down and exchanging looks, until Clark lifted up his hand and caught the attention of the bartender.
The bartender turned to the guy standing next to him and whispered something to him. The other guy nodded, then moved from behind the bar and walked over to us.
"Yes, what would you and the others like?", the guy said.
We looked at each other again.
"A single shot of rum and Coke," I said.
"And."
"A Guinness," Clark said.
"And."
Pause
"A Coke," Grant said.
Pause.
"Yes. Coming up," the guy said, looked at Grant, as the guy walked off and went back behind the counter.
Grant didn't notice and was looking at the napkin ClarK was drawing on. He picked it up and looked it over then set it back down.
"Good."
Clark put his hands on the table and turned the drawing his direction. I looked at it, after catching sight of his wedding band. He was sketching a woman and everything was there, excluding the face.
Looking at Clark, he was explaining to Grant what the so-called project he was thinking up, of what it was going to be.
I got up and slid my chair in.
Both of them looked at me, which elicited a response from me.
"I need to go to the bathroom."
"Oh," Grant said, before turning back to the drawing.
I walked away from them and headed to the bathroom.
After opening the door, I went over and turned on the faucet, then held my hands underneathe catching some water. I leaned down and started splashing my face.
I was in the middle of doing that, when I heard the door open. The person approached me and ran their hand down my nape, then started kissing my neck.
"Grant, not here."
I opened my eyes.
Clark was standing there.
"Why not?"
"I've got a reason for you. Grant's sitting by himself. Don't you think he might get suspicious something is going on?"
"You're right."
He took a piece of brown paper towel and handed it to me. He left me there, as I wiped my face.
I came back and the other two were enjoying their drinks. Mine was sitting untouched on a white napkin, until I sat down and silently took a sip.
Grant his glass down and looked at me.
"Hun, Clark just told me that he thinks you're very beautiful."
I set the shot glass down and started coughing, letting the liquor ooze down my cheek, but quickly regained my dignity, wiped my face and swallowed the remainder, before looking at them.
"Um, thank you, Clark."
Clark stopped drinking and set his glass down, not taking his eyes off his beer.
"Don't mention it."
I nodded, then picked up my shot glass and took another sip.
Pause.
"Clark wants my permission to paint another portrait of you. I was initially wary about it, but, just because you're going to be naked, it doesn't mean anything will happen."
I started coughing again and accidentally dropped the shot glass on the table. It landed on its side with all the liquor spilling out. I looked at Grant.
"Did you say what I thought you said?"
Grant nodded.
I looked down at my empty shot glass and waved my hand in the air to get the attention of the bartender. The other guy saw me and walked back over. I picked up my shot glass and held it up to him.
"I accidentally dropped my glass. Can you make it a triple shot?"
The guy nodded, took the shot glass and walked off. I took the napkins out of the dispenser and let them soak up the alcohol, then wadded them up, wiped off the extra moisture and at the ball aside.
Grant was still looking at me, then I turned and looked at Clark.
He was drinking his beer.
Clark turned to me and at his glass down.
"Hmmmmm."
Pause.
"We're all adults here. You don't need anyone's permission to do things."
"OK."
Long pause.
The guy came back with the shot glass and handed it to me.
I took it and drank a bit of it, before setting it down.
"By the my, Clark, how is Miranda?", I said.
"Great. Just great."
"Why didn't you bring her?", Grant said.
I looked at Clark.
He was staring at me.
Grant was looking at the table, when I looked at him.
"She couldn't make it."
"Why not?", I said.
Pause.
"Miranda is out of town on a business trip."
"Oh, you never told me what she does," I said.
Pause.
"She is a manager for a boutique."
"What kind of boutique?". I said.
Pause.
"Lingerie."
Grant looked up.
"Lingerie? The tasteful kind, or the trashy sort?", he said.
"Trashy."
"Oh, never mind, then," Grant said, sounding very disappointed.
Pause.
"Any other questions about her?"
"One more. Am I ever going to meet her?"
I looked at Grant then back at Clark.
Clark was looking at his beer.
"Actually, Grant, I've met her. She seems like a nice enough person," I said.
"She'll be back in town next week. You can meet her, then," Clark said.
"Alright."
The next day, Clark and I were in the studio, kissing on the on couch. He had his hand on my lap, when I looked down and put my hand over his. He was still wearing his wedding band. We were still wearing our work clothes. I took a hold of his finger and slid off his ring, then set it on the couch armrest. He smiled at me.
"Old habit. Oh, I finished the portrait last night."
Clark got off the couch and went to the covered easel up against the wall. He took off the cover, then brought the easel over and set it up in front of me. I looked at it and smiled.
"I like it."
He came up to the couch and sat down next to me, then leaned on my shoulder.
"You can thank me now."
I ran my hand through his hair.
"Thank you, Clark."
Pause.
He took his head off my shoulder, then looked at me.
"You can do better than that."
I leaned closer to him, pretending I was going to kiss him. He licked his mouth and was ready to kiss me. I pulled away and looked at him.
"That's it, you tease," he said.
Clark got off the couch again and pulled me up with him. He led me over to the bathroom and opened the door. A full tray of candles was on the toilet seat. plus some other candles were lit and placed around the room. He led me in, then closed the door behind me. I stood there, as he leaned over and checked if the water still warm, then turned off the running water.
I looked at him weird.
"You had enough time to do all this"', I said.
He shook his head.
"No. I called my friend up and had him arrange it."
We were facing each other, when he casually started taking off his clothes, while I stood there. He started with his tie, which he undid and dropped on the floor. He unbuttoned his shirt and let it fall onto the floor. He undid his belt and slacks, then dropped those on top of the pile. He was left in his boxers.
I kissed one of his shoulders, while running my hand down his chest, until it was over his belly button. Grant didn't have any hair on his chest like Clark did. He put his hand over mine, then took my hand off. He looked down and started unbuttoning my shirt, then slid it off me. He ran his hand down and unzipped my slacks. I was holding onto one of his shoulders, when I slid them down and took them off. I let go, then unhooked my bra and dropped it on the heap.
He quickly took off his boxers, then stepped into the tub and sat down, looking at me. I stepped into the bathtub, facing him. He put one hand on my thigh, as I got in and kneeled in front of him. I ran my hand through his brunette hair, before he licked his mouth, grabbed me and started passionately kissing me again.
We were sitting in the bathtub, with my back to him. I was leaning on him, while he had his arms around me. He brushed my hair back and kissed my neck. I found myself looking around the dimly lit bathroom for a clock. "I wonder what the time is."
Clark detached his lips from my neck.
"The phone hasn't started ringing, yet."
He started kissing my neck again.
"Let me go check the time, before it does."
He stopped again.
"Check later."
I tried getting up, but his arms tightened around me. He didn't want to let go of me, but finally did, after I pinched one arm. I got out 0f the bathtub, picked up his white shirt and put it on, then opened the door and walked into the studio. I looked around and noticed the time. Another fifteen minutes and the phone will start ringing.
I went back over to the bathroom. Clark was leaning over the bathtub edge, when he picked up his slacks and pulled out a cigarette from the box. He put it in his mouth, then picked up a nearby candle and lit it up. He smoked his cigarette. when I stood in the doorway, looking at him.
"I've got to be heading back."
He looked at me, as he set the candle back, then pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and blew out the smoke.
"Now? We've only had three rounds."
I didn't say anything, but took off his shirt, dropped it on the floor, picked up my clothes, then left him in the bathtub, when I went over to the mirror. I put my clothes back to the way they were and took my brush out of my purse, which was hanging on the hook, and brushed out the knots formed in my hair.
I took my purse and threw it onto my shoulder, then went over to the couch, then picked up his ring and walked over to the bathroom. I was standing in the doorway, when he put his still burning cigarette on the ashtray, while he sat there and blew out the smoke. I walked up to him and kneeled down near the tub. I leaned over and kissed his mouth. He took his free hand out of the water and rubbed one of my breasts over my shirt. I stopped his hand, then sat it on the bathtub edge, palm up. I rested my hand on top of his, leaving his wedding band on it, then stopped kissing him.
"Bye." I said.
"I'll see you later," he said, after setting the ring down on the bathtub edge and running his hand over my hair.
He wanted to kiss me again, but I got up and left him there.
I got home and Grant was on his cellular again. As soon as he saw me, he was excited.
"I got to go now. She's home."
I closed the front door. Grant moved near me, when I walked in and sat on the couch. He set the phone on the table and put his arms around me. "You know, I've been wondering something."
"Hmmmmm."
"Clark never described Miranda. Is she pretty?"
I nodded.
"What does she look like?"
"Well, she has long blonde hair, green eyes, tall, things like that." "What's she like, personality-wise?"
Pause.
"She's really, um, nice."
"Nice. Polite and quiet nice, or sweet nice?"
"The first one."
"Oh," he said, sounding disappointed.
Pause.
"Why are you so excited to meet her?"
"Curiousity."
Pause.
He playful my pinched my side.
I turned to him and quickly bit his ear, the got off the couch and went over to the kitchen. I opened the refrigerator and took out the Coke bottle. I went over to the cabinet and took out a glass, then poured myself a little. I drank some of it, then set everything on the counter.
I was nervous and thirsty. Somehow, the first thing was affecting the second. I looked at Grant but he wasn't paying attention and had turned on the television. It was probably a good thing he was always distracted, since he didn't need to know what was going on behind his back. I felt rather sorry for him, because I didn't want to hurt him.
Grant and I were lying in bed. He had his arms around me and was leaning his head on my shoulder.
"I admit I'm a little nervous about Clark painting a portrait of you without any clothes on."
"Why?"
"I mean, I've seen the way Calrk looks at you. It's obvious he's a little taken with you. At the bar, while you were gone, Clark kept asking me about the most intimate details that I would admit to," he added.
"For example."
"For example, what your skin felt like."
Pause.
"What did you tell him?"
"When I'm touching you, I feel like I'm home."
Pause.
Grant touched my face and gently kissed it.
"You're home to me," he whispered.
He smiled and kissed me again.
Long pause.
"Did he ask anything else?"
"He asked if we were madly in love."
"What a stupid question to ask. Of course, we are."
"I love you."
I looked at him and smiled.
Clark left the studio after I did and went straight home. He didn't bother turning on the light. He just lied there on the couch and continued smoking, keeping the ashtray near himself.
After Grant finally fell asleep, I snuck out of bed, wrapped myself in the thin sheet and opened the front door. I looked around to make sure none of the neighbors were up at this hour and wandering the halls, then gently closed my door and stood in front of Clark's. I softly knocked on his door, until he opened it. He had a cigarette dangling from his mouth and he looked a little surprised to see me. I pulled the cigarette from his mouth, put my hand on the side of his face, pulled it closer to myself and kissed his mouth. I broke away and blew out the smoke. I kissed him again, until he had his arms around me and was holding me really tight. I broke away again, as he tightened his grip.
"What changed your mind?"
"Miranda."
He looked at me and let go.
I walked over to my door and wrapped my hand around the doorknob.
"Was she with the other guy?"
I nodded.
"Did she see you?"
I shook my head.
He left the doorway, walked over and smoothed back my hair.
"Better go. Who knows what he would do, if he woke up and you weren't beside him?"
I looked at him.
"Sorry that you had to hear that."
"Don't apologize. You'll be doing the same thing to me soon."
I covered my mouth and laughed.
"I'll see you later," he added.
I smiled and nodded.
"Oh, and, you better be dressed for breakfast," he added.
I laughed again, then opened the door.
Grant woke me up before he had to leave for work. He was on top of me and his tongue was in my mouth. Below the sheets, my legs were wide open, as he was angling his body. Grant noticed I was awake, when I opened my eyes and clinched my legs.
"Good morning," he said softly.
He dropped his head on the pillow and gave a muffled groan. One of my nails went from my side to his back. I bit my lip and closed my eyes, as Grant started moving faster. Both of his hands left my body and placed themselves palm down on the pillow above my head. He had a head start, so naturally he finished before I was ever close.
After he was finished, he kissed my mouth and rolled off me before I could say anything. Grant got out of bed and started picking up his clothes. He had his back to me, as he walked into the bathroom. I just lied there, unsatisfied and completely pissed off.
When he came out of the bathroom, shaved and dressed, I was lying stomach down on the bed. He saw me and sat down next to me. I rolled over onto my side and looked at him. He leaned down and kissed cheek again.
"I've got to go now, but I'll call you at work," he said.
Pause.
He winked at me and got off the bed, then left my bedroom. I heard him close the front door after a few seconds. I sat up and wrapped the thin sheet around myself and went to the bathroom.
After turning on the shower, I was about to drop the blanket, when there was a knocking on the front door. When I opened the front door, Clark was standing there, holding a big brown paper lunch bag, smoking.
Clark looked at me, then pulled the cigarette from his mouth, leaned forward and kissed my mouth.
We stood there for a few seconds, as his arms wrapped around me. I could feel his hands rubbing my butt over the sheet. I stopped him and looked around the hallway.
"Relax. Grant passed by already," he said.
"That's not what I'm worried about."
"No? What then?"
"Our neighbors. They talk, you know?"
He laughed.
"No, they don't."
Before I could say anything, he licked his mouth and kissed my lips again. We kissed for a few seconds, then he broke away from me.
"Hear anyone talking?"
I shook my head.
"See," he said.
I looked at him and smiled.
He dragged me into the living room, closing the door behind us. He put the brown paper bag on the coffee table, then sat on the couch, pulling me down with him. He leaned forward and put out his cigarette. We were kissing for a while, until I remembered the shower was still on. I broke away from him, got off the couch and went back to the bathroom.
I originally was going to turn off the water and go back to Clark, but I left the the bathroom door slightly open and took the sheet off. I dropped it on the floor and stepped into the bathtub, then pulled the curtain back.
I was running my hands through my hair, as the water was hitting me. My eyes opened, when I heard a little movement outside of the curtain and the toilet seat smack against the septic tank.
"Hope you don't mind. I couldn't hold it in."
"Are you sitting or standing?"
"Standing."
"OK, fine."
I relaxed. when he flushed the toilet and turned on the water faucet.
"Did you put the seat down?"
He turned off the faucet.
"Want to check for yourself?"
Before I could say anything, he pulled the curtain halfway back. I had my hands on the tile and had my head face down. I lifted up my head and found myself look at him, then at the toilet seat, which he put back down, then grabbed the curtain and pulled it back to the way it was.
"Next time, warn me when you're going to do that."
I turned to the shower caddy and took the shampoo. I opened it and applied a little to my hair, then lathered up my hair.
"Yum. Strawberries," he added.
"Are you still standing there?"
Pause.
"No.".
I laughed, while rinsing out the shampoo.
"Go make yourself useful. Pick out the clothes I'm going to wear or something."
"Ok."
I was finally finished rinsing out my hair, when I reached out and grabbed for the towel. I wiped my face and opened my eyes, then wrapped the towel around myself and got the other towel hanging there and wrapped my hair in it, before walking into my bedroom.
Clark was standing in front of my bed, facing it and looking at his two choices. Two things were laid out. One was a dark red knee-length dress and the matching knit sweater, while the other was my fitted suit with a long sleeve red shirt. Obviously, Clark likes red. He picked up the dress and handed it to me. I never wore the dress to work before, but I decided to try it out. Then, he sheepishly took the panty (red, of course) he had stolen from one of the drawers and stashed in his pocket and handed it over to me.
I took the clothes and went back into the bathroom to put it on.
I came back out wearing everything. Clark was sitting on the bed, smoking a cigarette, when he saw me. He quickly looked at his watch, then got up and went to the living room.
I followed him and was nearby, when he leaned down to the table and picked up the brown paper bag. He sat on the couch and put out his cigarette, then took out the two plastic containers, setting them on the table. He opened one container.
Inside was packed with a hash brown, sausage links and scrambled eggs.
He opened the other one.
It had just about the same thing, except, instead of scrambled eggs, there were pancakes.
"Which one do you want?"
"Pancakes."
"I thought so."
He pushed the pancakes my way, then took out the napkins and elastic utensils from the bag. He picked up the bag and dumped the extra on the table. I took the little jam packets and tore them open, then smeared them on the pancake.
We were finished eating, when he looked at his watch again. He got up and went into the bathroom.
I followed him there to see him look at the toothbrushes.
He picked between the two, turned on the faucet, wetted the toothbrush. then picked up the toothpaste, dabbed a little on and started brushing his teeth.
I came up to the sink, took the other toothbrush and did the same.
Both of us were brushing our teeth, when he looked at me and pulled the toothbrush out of his mouth. He looked at the toothbrush, then spit out the toothpaste, before turning the faucet back on and rinsing out his mouth.
"I used his toothbrush, didn't I?"
I nodded.
"That's not good, It's not in the plan."
He turned to the towel and wiped his mouth. I finished brushing my teeth and rinsed my mouth. He came up to me and gently wiped my mouth.
"Thank you, daddy," I joked.
"OK, now. I'm not that much older than you."
"But, you are older."
Pause.
"Better behave yourself. You know what I'm capable of doing."
"What are you going to do? Take me over your lap and spank me?"
A smile slowly spread over his face.
"Don't tempt me."
We were looking at each other, when I leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, then turned away.
"I've got to kick you out now, so I can go to work."
"Ok."
I looked at him.
"Want to meet at the studio?"
"Yes, OK," he said.
After work, I arrived at the studio and he opened the door. He was about to kiss my cheek, when I hurried over to the screen and started changing into the other clothes.
When I came from behind the screen, he was sitting on the couch, having a cigarette, when I walked over and sat down by him. He saw me and put his hand on my knee.
I looked at it and smiled.
"That's the best you can do?"
Clark got off the couch and went over to the ashtray, which was still on the table. He had his back to me, when I got off the couch and went over to the refrigerator. I was thirsty and opened it. Every drink alcoholic and non-alcoholic known to man was in there. Captain Morgan, Tequila, Corona, Coke, Pepsi, Sprite, every kind of bottled water, Jones soda, Arizona, etc. Clark wasn't kidding about it being well-stocked. There was barely any room for food. The only non-drink in there was a canister of instant whipped cream, which took up a small place on the bottom shelf squeezed between beer and wine coolers.
I was in the middle of deciding between a Cherry Coke and something that remotely resembled a fruit smoothie in a pitcher, when Clark surprised me by putting his arms around me. I ignored him, as I took out the cherry coke and unscrewed the top. I drank a tiny bit as he unzipped my dress and touched my back.
I closed the refrigerator door and walked back to the couch, then sat down. I leaned back, when he came over to me and knelt down in front of me. We were looking at each other, when he looked down and pulled up my dress, then put his hand on my thigh. I looked down and noticed he was still wearing his wedding band.
He took his hand off my thigh and ran it across my face. I put my hand over his and ran my finger over his ring, then took my hand off. He must have forgotten that he was still wearing it, when he took his hand off my face and looked at his hand. He took his ring off and set it down on the floor, then brushed my face again. He looked down and lifted up the dress a little higher and bent down. Clark was watching me, when he put his hand on the back of my knee and kissed my knee. I casually lifted up one side of my dress a little higher, which egged him on. He kissed the area above my knee, still looking. I leaned forward and kissed his forehead. He lifted up his head, licked his mouth and started kissing my lips.
We ended up kissing for quite some time. He was on top of me when the phone started ringing. He stopped kissing my mouth and looked at the phone. After catching his breath, he let go and picked up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey. Is 0livia there?"
"Yeah, hold on. Let me get her."
He looked at me and got up, then handed me the phone.
"Hello?", I said, after putting it to my ear.
"I miss you. Come home."
I looked at Clark, who was looking at me.
"Grant, I'll be home soon. I was right about to change."
Pause.
"All right. Don't take too long. Bye," he said.
I was still looking at Clark.
Bye, Grant."
Clark was about to reach for the phone, but I immediately slammed the phone down, then sat up. Clark watched me, as I got off the couch and went behind the screen, then started unzipping my dress. I had my dress completely unzipped, when I called out to him.
"Clark, I told him that we'll finish the painting at the end of the week. Couldn't you let him savor this final week with me, before we drop the bomb?"
Pause.
Clark peeked his head around the screen and smiled at me.
I smiled at him.
"Thank you."
He moved closer to me and kissed my cheek.
"By the way, it's almost finished. Sometimes, it comes home with me and I work on it over there."
He kissed me again, then left me alone to change.
I arrived home and Grant was on his cellular phone. He was sitting on the couch, nodding his head and laughing.
"Yeah, hold on. She's here," he said.
I was standing next to Grant, when he leaned up and kissed my cheek.
"Do you want to talk to her?"
Pause.
He held the phone up to my ear.
"Hello?"
"Hi. The ring's back on."
Pause.
"That's nice," I said.
"He doesn't even know what's going to hit him."
"I can't talk right now. Bye," I said, before pushing the phone back towards Grant.
He put it back to his ear.
"Yeah, I'm back."
Pause.
"No, I don't know."
I sat down.
Grant, after some time, turned off the phone. He set it on the table, then wrapped an arm around my waist and leaned againt me.
"What did he want?", I said.
"Oh, I called him up. because I was worried about you."
Pause.
"He invited us out for drinks tonight. Want to go?", he added.
Pause.
I nodded.
"Call him up and tell him we'll meet him there," I said.
"Alright.
Grant and I arrived at the bar. We were standing at the bar. We were standing in the doorway, when I immediately spotted him at a small table sketching on a napkin. I grabbed onto Grant's jacket and dragged him over to Clark.
When we were standing in front of him, he looked up and smiled at us. Grant took a chair from a nearby table and sat on it, while I took the unvacated one. All three of us were sitting down and exchanging looks, until Clark lifted up his hand and caught the attention of the bartender.
The bartender turned to the guy standing next to him and whispered something to him. The other guy nodded, then moved from behind the bar and walked over to us.
"Yes, what would you and the others like?", the guy said.
We looked at each other again.
"A single shot of rum and Coke," I said.
"And."
"A Guinness," Clark said.
"And."
Pause
"A Coke," Grant said.
Pause.
"Yes. Coming up," the guy said, looked at Grant, as the guy walked off and went back behind the counter.
Grant didn't notice and was looking at the napkin ClarK was drawing on. He picked it up and looked it over then set it back down.
"Good."
Clark put his hands on the table and turned the drawing his direction. I looked at it, after catching sight of his wedding band. He was sketching a woman and everything was there, excluding the face.
Looking at Clark, he was explaining to Grant what the so-called project he was thinking up, of what it was going to be.
I got up and slid my chair in.
Both of them looked at me, which elicited a response from me.
"I need to go to the bathroom."
"Oh," Grant said, before turning back to the drawing.
I walked away from them and headed to the bathroom.
After opening the door, I went over and turned on the faucet, then held my hands underneathe catching some water. I leaned down and started splashing my face.
I was in the middle of doing that, when I heard the door open. The person approached me and ran their hand down my nape, then started kissing my neck.
"Grant, not here."
I opened my eyes.
Clark was standing there.
"Why not?"
"I've got a reason for you. Grant's sitting by himself. Don't you think he might get suspicious something is going on?"
"You're right."
He took a piece of brown paper towel and handed it to me. He left me there, as I wiped my face.
I came back and the other two were enjoying their drinks. Mine was sitting untouched on a white napkin, until I sat down and silently took a sip.
Grant his glass down and looked at me.
"Hun, Clark just told me that he thinks you're very beautiful."
I set the shot glass down and started coughing, letting the liquor ooze down my cheek, but quickly regained my dignity, wiped my face and swallowed the remainder, before looking at them.
"Um, thank you, Clark."
Clark stopped drinking and set his glass down, not taking his eyes off his beer.
"Don't mention it."
I nodded, then picked up my shot glass and took another sip.
Pause.
"Clark wants my permission to paint another portrait of you. I was initially wary about it, but, just because you're going to be naked, it doesn't mean anything will happen."
I started coughing again and accidentally dropped the shot glass on the table. It landed on its side with all the liquor spilling out. I looked at Grant.
"Did you say what I thought you said?"
Grant nodded.
I looked down at my empty shot glass and waved my hand in the air to get the attention of the bartender. The other guy saw me and walked back over. I picked up my shot glass and held it up to him.
"I accidentally dropped my glass. Can you make it a triple shot?"
The guy nodded, took the shot glass and walked off. I took the napkins out of the dispenser and let them soak up the alcohol, then wadded them up, wiped off the extra moisture and at the ball aside.
Grant was still looking at me, then I turned and looked at Clark.
He was drinking his beer.
Clark turned to me and at his glass down.
"Hmmmmm."
Pause.
"We're all adults here. You don't need anyone's permission to do things."
"OK."
Long pause.
The guy came back with the shot glass and handed it to me.
I took it and drank a bit of it, before setting it down.
"By the my, Clark, how is Miranda?", I said.
"Great. Just great."
"Why didn't you bring her?", Grant said.
I looked at Clark.
He was staring at me.
Grant was looking at the table, when I looked at him.
"She couldn't make it."
"Why not?", I said.
Pause.
"Miranda is out of town on a business trip."
"Oh, you never told me what she does," I said.
Pause.
"She is a manager for a boutique."
"What kind of boutique?". I said.
Pause.
"Lingerie."
Grant looked up.
"Lingerie? The tasteful kind, or the trashy sort?", he said.
"Trashy."
"Oh, never mind, then," Grant said, sounding very disappointed.
Pause.
"Any other questions about her?"
"One more. Am I ever going to meet her?"
I looked at Grant then back at Clark.
Clark was looking at his beer.
"Actually, Grant, I've met her. She seems like a nice enough person," I said.
"She'll be back in town next week. You can meet her, then," Clark said.
"Alright."
The next day, Clark and I were in the studio, kissing on the on couch. He had his hand on my lap, when I looked down and put my hand over his. He was still wearing his wedding band. We were still wearing our work clothes. I took a hold of his finger and slid off his ring, then set it on the couch armrest. He smiled at me.
"Old habit. Oh, I finished the portrait last night."
Clark got off the couch and went to the covered easel up against the wall. He took off the cover, then brought the easel over and set it up in front of me. I looked at it and smiled.
"I like it."
He came up to the couch and sat down next to me, then leaned on my shoulder.
"You can thank me now."
I ran my hand through his hair.
"Thank you, Clark."
Pause.
He took his head off my shoulder, then looked at me.
"You can do better than that."
I leaned closer to him, pretending I was going to kiss him. He licked his mouth and was ready to kiss me. I pulled away and looked at him.
"That's it, you tease," he said.
Clark got off the couch again and pulled me up with him. He led me over to the bathroom and opened the door. A full tray of candles was on the toilet seat. plus some other candles were lit and placed around the room. He led me in, then closed the door behind me. I stood there, as he leaned over and checked if the water still warm, then turned off the running water.
I looked at him weird.
"You had enough time to do all this"', I said.
He shook his head.
"No. I called my friend up and had him arrange it."
We were facing each other, when he casually started taking off his clothes, while I stood there. He started with his tie, which he undid and dropped on the floor. He unbuttoned his shirt and let it fall onto the floor. He undid his belt and slacks, then dropped those on top of the pile. He was left in his boxers.
I kissed one of his shoulders, while running my hand down his chest, until it was over his belly button. Grant didn't have any hair on his chest like Clark did. He put his hand over mine, then took my hand off. He looked down and started unbuttoning my shirt, then slid it off me. He ran his hand down and unzipped my slacks. I was holding onto one of his shoulders, when I slid them down and took them off. I let go, then unhooked my bra and dropped it on the heap.
He quickly took off his boxers, then stepped into the tub and sat down, looking at me. I stepped into the bathtub, facing him. He put one hand on my thigh, as I got in and kneeled in front of him. I ran my hand through his brunette hair, before he licked his mouth, grabbed me and started passionately kissing me again.
We were sitting in the bathtub, with my back to him. I was leaning on him, while he had his arms around me. He brushed my hair back and kissed my neck. I found myself looking around the dimly lit bathroom for a clock. "I wonder what the time is."
Clark detached his lips from my neck.
"The phone hasn't started ringing, yet."
He started kissing my neck again.
"Let me go check the time, before it does."
He stopped again.
"Check later."
I tried getting up, but his arms tightened around me. He didn't want to let go of me, but finally did, after I pinched one arm. I got out 0f the bathtub, picked up his white shirt and put it on, then opened the door and walked into the studio. I looked around and noticed the time. Another fifteen minutes and the phone will start ringing.
I went back over to the bathroom. Clark was leaning over the bathtub edge, when he picked up his slacks and pulled out a cigarette from the box. He put it in his mouth, then picked up a nearby candle and lit it up. He smoked his cigarette. when I stood in the doorway, looking at him.
"I've got to be heading back."
He looked at me, as he set the candle back, then pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and blew out the smoke.
"Now? We've only had three rounds."
I didn't say anything, but took off his shirt, dropped it on the floor, picked up my clothes, then left him in the bathtub, when I went over to the mirror. I put my clothes back to the way they were and took my brush out of my purse, which was hanging on the hook, and brushed out the knots formed in my hair.
I took my purse and threw it onto my shoulder, then went over to the couch, then picked up his ring and walked over to the bathroom. I was standing in the doorway, when he put his still burning cigarette on the ashtray, while he sat there and blew out the smoke. I walked up to him and kneeled down near the tub. I leaned over and kissed his mouth. He took his free hand out of the water and rubbed one of my breasts over my shirt. I stopped his hand, then sat it on the bathtub edge, palm up. I rested my hand on top of his, leaving his wedding band on it, then stopped kissing him.
"Bye." I said.
"I'll see you later," he said, after setting the ring down on the bathtub edge and running his hand over my hair.
He wanted to kiss me again, but I got up and left him there.
I got home and Grant was on his cellular again. As soon as he saw me, he was excited.
"I got to go now. She's home."
I closed the front door. Grant moved near me, when I walked in and sat on the couch. He set the phone on the table and put his arms around me. "You know, I've been wondering something."
"Hmmmmm."
"Clark never described Miranda. Is she pretty?"
I nodded.
"What does she look like?"
"Well, she has long blonde hair, green eyes, tall, things like that." "What's she like, personality-wise?"
Pause.
"She's really, um, nice."
"Nice. Polite and quiet nice, or sweet nice?"
"The first one."
"Oh," he said, sounding disappointed.
Pause.
"Why are you so excited to meet her?"
"Curiousity."
Pause.
He playful my pinched my side.
I turned to him and quickly bit his ear, the got off the couch and went over to the kitchen. I opened the refrigerator and took out the Coke bottle. I went over to the cabinet and took out a glass, then poured myself a little. I drank some of it, then set everything on the counter.
I was nervous and thirsty. Somehow, the first thing was affecting the second. I looked at Grant but he wasn't paying attention and had turned on the television. It was probably a good thing he was always distracted, since he didn't need to know what was going on behind his back. I felt rather sorry for him, because I didn't want to hurt him.
Grant and I were lying in bed. He had his arms around me and was leaning his head on my shoulder.
"I admit I'm a little nervous about Clark painting a portrait of you without any clothes on."
"Why?"
"I mean, I've seen the way Calrk looks at you. It's obvious he's a little taken with you. At the bar, while you were gone, Clark kept asking me about the most intimate details that I would admit to," he added.
"For example."
"For example, what your skin felt like."
Pause.
"What did you tell him?"
"When I'm touching you, I feel like I'm home."
Pause.
Grant touched my face and gently kissed it.
"You're home to me," he whispered.
He smiled and kissed me again.
Long pause.
"Did he ask anything else?"
"He asked if we were madly in love."
"What a stupid question to ask. Of course, we are."
"I love you."
I looked at him and smiled.
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